It has been a very rough retail season for me so far. It has been very hard to show some semblance of joy when the ratio of customers to booksellers is 7:1. People keep interrupting me when I'm helping another customer for something that honestly, they could've waited another minute on. Yes, I know you're busy. No, I don't care how busy you are, I really don't. Stop telling me who it's for or why you're buying it, I didn't ask you. Do not get mad when I don't have a certain item, I have no sympathy for someone who waits until the day before to go get something.
That doesn't mean I should be expressing all that in any form or fashion. It doesn't help the situation. I have been really bad about it. They don't care about how I feel and why should I expect them to care? And my co-workers feel the same way, so why bother bringing it up? It's preaching to the converted.
For the last five years, retail has made me hate Christmas. I used to enjoy it, the togetherness and sharing of grand feasts. The gifts were a bonus. I love giving and receiving gifts. The thing is, I enjoy it when I have the freedom to do it, i.e. doing it on my own volition. With that attitude, I enjoy giving more and feel that the gifts have more love put into them. That's why I love giving random gifts to my sister. That's why I enjoy Secret Santa (which is voluntary). I don't like being forced because... well, because it's Christmas, deal with it.
Of course, people are not shopping with all that in mind. It becomes pressure, that drive to make sure that everyone you know (including the distant cousin you only met once at the family reunion down at the coast) gets something. No gift cards, that is considered thoughtless! These days, people do appreciate "free" money to use at their favorite store. And to be honest, I always hated that "gift cards are thoughtless" business.
Growing up, my parents wanted to instill within me and my little sister a sense of gratitude. They encouraged relatives to buy us only two gifts per kid, just so we could enjoy each gift (unless it honestly sucked. Nana, I'll never forget those McDonald's gift certificates. Especially after Papa got me a Barbie doll bed and my sister a remote-controlled fire engine the same year). Of course, my parents were looked upon as freaks. Over time, the gifts evolved into just money, which is fine.
"But Frustrated Lady Writer", you say to the screen, "why are you letting all this get to you? Eff those who are rushing around and partaking in greed, don't let it all get to you." I know, I know. But it still does. I'm hyper-sensitive by nature, always been. I can easily become overwhelmed by large crowds and cacophonies of noise. I have avoided malls and most shopping centers during Christmas for this reason. I have since been able to attend concerts, but it can still be overwhelming.
Either way, this year, I'm spending Christmas with my best friend and her family. My folks are out of town for Christmas camping (an annual tradition). I'm perfectly fine with this. It all will change as I move away and go to graduate school, but always with things to do on my mind.
Whatever you have going on during these holidays, may you be warm, well-fed, and loved.
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