Going For It (or: Waiting on Others Is Not A Good Idea)

Earlier this year I mentioned that I was going to do Camp NaNoWriMo with my sister, but as it got closer, it became apparent that this wasn't going to happen. My sister changed her mind, I was really looking forward to what she was thinking of writing, and I got swept up in the job hunt and working on my own writings.

As the month of June comes to an end, the month we would've done Camp NaNoWriMo, I realized something very important: if I want to do something, why do I wait on others to join me? Oftentimes, I do it because I want my loved ones to join in all the fun. The other reason, sometimes, I hate doing things alone. I still find it weird to go to the movies or eating at a restaurant or even going to a concert alone (though I've done these many times solo). I have said to others before that I don't mind doing a lot of things alone, but there are times I do feel like a hypocrite (like now).

But why do I fret about being forever alone? I am not in the least! I have friends I stay in touch with and I have a very strong relationship with my parents and little sister. We are just independent people with different schedules and things to do. And knowing me, the moment I do find people that will join me in the fun, I'll start wishing for the days when I did everything alone (ye gods, self, make up your damn mind!).

Right now, it's finding the balance to do what I love alone and doing it with my loved ones. It's only a matter of doing.

Whether I do NaNoWriMo with a bunch of peeps this year or go see Stop Making Sense alone next month, I'll figure it out one of these days. Or at least, get a general idea.

~~

Side note: I'm currently reading the archives of Susannah Conway's excellent blog. I absolutely love her work and look forward to getting a copy of her book one of these days!

A word on grad school

After giving it some thought over the last few months (and the stress I've been dealing with lately didn't help much), I have decided that I will not apply for grad school next year.

I'm not in the best financial situation right now and since I'm in the process of finding new employment, I'm not going to stress over it at this time. I would rather get a full-time gig, make some good money, find a nice place to live, hone my writing skills with vocational classes, and get published a few more times. Just for now, at least. I'm sure once I'm financially secure (well, the best I can be in this economy), I'll decide if grad school is right for me.

I'm not sure if I want to get an MFA just to write better, or become a teacher of sorts, or even change my focus to something else like women's studies or a specific branch of literature (I'm thinking Japanese literature) or library science. Hell, I was considering going overseas to teach English, but it feels imperialistic, so I'll likely pass on this. Or I'll just say "eff this" and do one of those low-residency MFA programs.

Honestly, I have no effing clue if I'll further my studies.

I got an idea. Lemme get an effing job first. After that, I'll go from there...

Something more of substance

I have to maintain discipline and update this blog every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday; even if I find myself at a loss for words. Most of the time, as the last entry shows, my mind would be occupied on other matters. Right now, I'm going through my CD collection and deciding which ones should go away. I can save the money for other things, or just save it anyway.

It turns out that my second job has come to an end, which makes sense. Things happened, both good and bad, and it made sense for it to come to a close. I doubt they will need me when the fall season arrives, I have a sneaking feeling. By then, I'm hoping, that I have a new job somewhere else. A full-time one with benefits and good pay, or better than what I'm getting right now. Leave the bookstore behind and move on, become one of those professionals I read about in the Brat Pack novels (sans cocaine, of course).

I'm sure that this is not unique. Maybe in presentation of words. The spirit is prevalent.

Love to those searching for better employment, like me. May it come soon.

I had a post for you...

but my computer ate it. No seriously, I had it all typed up and ready to post yesterday.

I had accidentally restarted my computer and lost it. That's what you get when you write your post on Wordpad and don't save it.

I do recall it being about the end of the year and how I'm reacting to it. Well, something along the lines of how resolutions made on New Year's Day seems to set me up for disappointment. And that after all, I should do it when I should. I can't wait another day to reset, just only pick up where I left off.

I don't want to resort to platitudes. I can't even do that. Well, because, it's not even true that it's easy. There will always be stopping and going. That is how it's gonna be and will be. But giving up is admitting defeat and that is what malignant forces would want from us. I keep this in mind while I try to get myself to write something. I can't just start over again. Pointless. Just pick up where I left off and keep going.

If you're in the same boat as I am, I hope this inspires you in some way to finish/do whatever it is.