Going For It (or: Waiting on Others Is Not A Good Idea)

Earlier this year I mentioned that I was going to do Camp NaNoWriMo with my sister, but as it got closer, it became apparent that this wasn't going to happen. My sister changed her mind, I was really looking forward to what she was thinking of writing, and I got swept up in the job hunt and working on my own writings.

As the month of June comes to an end, the month we would've done Camp NaNoWriMo, I realized something very important: if I want to do something, why do I wait on others to join me? Oftentimes, I do it because I want my loved ones to join in all the fun. The other reason, sometimes, I hate doing things alone. I still find it weird to go to the movies or eating at a restaurant or even going to a concert alone (though I've done these many times solo). I have said to others before that I don't mind doing a lot of things alone, but there are times I do feel like a hypocrite (like now).

But why do I fret about being forever alone? I am not in the least! I have friends I stay in touch with and I have a very strong relationship with my parents and little sister. We are just independent people with different schedules and things to do. And knowing me, the moment I do find people that will join me in the fun, I'll start wishing for the days when I did everything alone (ye gods, self, make up your damn mind!).

Right now, it's finding the balance to do what I love alone and doing it with my loved ones. It's only a matter of doing.

Whether I do NaNoWriMo with a bunch of peeps this year or go see Stop Making Sense alone next month, I'll figure it out one of these days. Or at least, get a general idea.

~~

Side note: I'm currently reading the archives of Susannah Conway's excellent blog. I absolutely love her work and look forward to getting a copy of her book one of these days!

The Adventures of the Excel Novice! *whoosh*

One of my biggest goals this year is to learn how to make the best use of Excel. My father uses the program for a butt-ton of things, even creating me a spreadsheet to keep track of average hours I worked at my job in my early years of working there (I still have it as nostalgia). He also uses it to track maintenance on all the cars (including mileage, when oil was last changed, etc.). Naturally, being a lot like my father in terms of organization, I want to follow in that route.

One thing I want to learn to do is create a well-kept inventory. I have enough books and music to warrant such a thing, so it would be easy to have it all sorted by artist/author, genre, year, and so forth. That would be awesome. Also, have it sorted by "read" and "unread". I don't want too much to start off with, don't wanna get overwhelmed.

So here I go now, learning more things and getting skilled...

*whoosh*

New year off to an educational start

Besides ringing in the new year, I also welcomed my parents back to the family homestead (my mom was volunteering as a park host for over eight months). I thought I was gonna adjust to having them back easily, but I was surprised to find myself doing a lot of changing on my end to factor in their return. One of those things was how we handle personal things.

For my mom and I, we struggle with weight. We both need to lose about the same amount (~20 pounds) and need to do it for pain management (knees and hips for my mom, sciatica and heel issues for me). I found myself struggling to understand why my mom kept badmouthing herself about her weight gain (she lost it only to regain it) and it hurt to see her do it to herself. Even though she does have healthy self-esteem and isn't delusional (she knows she will never have her former teenage weight again, etc.), it still had a weird effect on me. It wasn't a case of "I'm tired of hearing it", despite what y'all might think. After talking about it, along with dealing with some pain issues I had earlier today, we agreed that we need to ease off the negative talk. Weight and food issues are touchy subjects, even between a mother and daughter who are close.

We're gonna goof and likely talk about all this again, but I have hope for my mom and I. We watch what we eat (portion control and cooking simple quality meals), exercise, and drink lots of water. And now since we know our sensitivities to these topics, we can have mature conversations, encourage each other, and lose the weight.

I agree, random manatee!

As for other things to learn about, my mom bought this thing a while back. She calls it the "ant machine" due to the sensation. She swears by it, saying it helped her with her pain issues, as with my dad's. She helped me with using it earlier today. I never tried anything like this, and man, it really makes a difference. I'll invest in one when I move out.

~

So there ya go. Two days into 2014 and I learned stuff. Good, quality, important life stuff.

~~

*memes do not belong to me*

Misandry Is for Losers or Why I Almost Abandoned the Feminist Ship

Side note: this blog post is not for any woman who had been mistreated/abused/assaulted by men and they have come to distrust them. Y'all have my deepest sympathy and support. 

Earlier this year, I made a horrible realization. I was becoming the very thing I dreaded. Whenever dudes expressed an interest in helping the feminist cause, I rolled my eyes and claimed they wanted "ally cookies". I considered never dating since men were "basically scum" anyway. And I also became a bit hostile to the idea of men in general.

I was becoming a misandrist.

Sweet Lord, when it hit me, I about flew all the way to Milwaukee (who am I kidding, that would've been awesome. For one thing, all four seasons! ...I'll shut up). It was horrifying to see myself becoming that very kind of person.

The first thing I said to myself when I decided to become a feminist five years ago was "I won't be a man-hater" (the second being "if feminism excludes women in any way, I'm gonna go somewhere else"). I grew up with hearing the stereotype of feminists hating men and being generally hostile towards them. I wanted to subvert that and even consider men to be potential allies (which I do, believe it or not).

After realizing this, I looked back on my interactions with men. While thankfully I've controlled myself in public, there have been times over the Internet that I could've handled it better. I could've addressed my points without parroting a bunch of words and actually said what I wanted to say in my own way (like I'm doing here!). I didn't want to be one of those social justice folks that got angry and threw a bunch of f-bombs when someone posted something ignorant. Instead I wanted to address it with a sense of level-headed passion. In other words, I wanted to be a person that men and women could turn to and ask about feminism in general; leading them towards the sources that helped me shape my ideas and even form my own opinions on things.

I backed away from a ton of sites that weren't helping me in this regard (like ONTD_Political and even some tumblr blogs I used to follow) and opted to find more sources to help me explore politics, feminism, race issues, and so forth on a deep level without worrying about extremism. Let me be the decider on the fact I want to be a radical feminist, not have someone "tell" me I have to.

Y'know, it helps a lot that I was raised by a father who didn't take a look at my gender and go "welp, ain't teaching her nothing". He taught me a lot about people in general, home improvement/DIY, being independent, financial knowledge, and so much else. (In fact, he does laundry, cooks food [he makes a mean bowl of Thanksgiving mashed potatoes], and cleans the house; all without the assumption that he doesn't have to do it because he's the breadwinner and so forth.)

In all honesty, I think men can help in the feminist cause. There is so much they can learn, teach their fellow men, and do to help us women. There are times that they should step aside (like abortion rights, etc.) and times they do need to address problems within their culture (like rape jokes and so forth).

Like how I was the complete opposite of what I am when I was a teenager, I was in danger of going the same route. I want a healthy middle ground. And so, I stopped myself before it was too late.


P.S. And gentlemen? Misogyny is also for losers. Be like my dad and teach your daughters how to change the oil and don't expect your spouse to be a hired maid.

Going Cruelty-Free: 1 1/2 Years So Far...

It will be two years in June/July (I'm not really sure) that I began to buy mostly cruelty-free products. Over time, I learned to look out for items that were human and animal cruelty-free (or CF as it's commonly shortened) and to find quality inexpensive products.

One of the big things I noticed on my search for great CF items is that this stuff's expensive. If you want to stick to certain brands and stay indie, then prepare to pay up big time. Nothing wrong with that... unless you happen to have limited monies, like myself. Though I still live with my parents, I have taken up buying all the CF stuff on my dime. And it does add up after a while. I don't blame a single soul for not jumping on the CF train here, times are tough and you gotta save up all you can. No shame here, money-troubled peeps.

After a long agonizing search for a good shampoo, I found that Trader Joe's and Giovanni have worked the best for me. I also learned that: soap bars work better that liquid soap, Kiss My Face makes an excellent toothpaste and solid deo, and Too Faced will be my makeup indulgence (I love their Violet Femme eyeshadow). Physician's Formula continues to be my go-to for makeup in general. Pacifica also has a great range of perfumes (so does Bath and Body Works, who I still patronize). For bath-time, I love LUSH's bath bombs and bubble bars (they also make a great powder deodorant that smells like coconuts!), along with Enfusia (a regional brand, FTW). As for facial care, I'm torn between LUSH (which is expensive) and Yes to Tomatoes (which isn't, but works well!). For lip care, Burt's Bees and Badger Balm.

*All of the above, except Too Faced, LUSH, Pacifica, and Badger Balm, are very reasonable. The aforementioned are my indulgences.*

There is a line of thinking amongst the CF community that it's best not to even buy CF products owned by non-CF companies, like how Burt's Bees is owned by Clorox. Nothing wrong with that, it's your call if you want to do that. As for me, I still buy CF products even if they're owned by non-CF corporations (hilariously, the only one I still buy is Burt's Bees). I like the concept of "showing more support for the CF brands". But there is a risk of green-washing, as I'll explain more below.

I have decided not to buy Body Shop products anymore because of some really troubling details I learned on this article. Besides the green-washing, there is the exploitation of indigenous people. Not here for that. We privileged people have already harmed them multiple times, no need to add to their suffering.

I'm unsure if I'll ever go fully cruelty-free, like buying expensive detergents and even eating less meats, but I go about as far as I can afford and that my health is concerned.

After reading so much about how kids in third-world countries are exploited so we can get our chocolates, I'm uneasy to get me a Hershey's bar in the future. Then again, I've never been a big chocolate consumer to begin with. Nutella can GTFO, I love me some cookie butter!

Either way, so much to know and continue to learn! If you want to go cruelty-free, don't worry about breaking the bank. There are great brands out there that can give you quality results without the harming to people and animals.

Notes on A Seminar

A few days ago, I went to a writing seminar on science fiction and fantasy novels. The seminar was hosted by the writing organization I recently joined. It was enjoyable, like being back in college, listening to a professor talk about a specialized topic. Also I learned some new stuff about the genres, like how fantasy (at least, the lecturer argued) that it has its roots in medievalism and Arthurian legends. As for science fiction, it is usually seen as the more "realistic" of the two, usually based on real things (y'know, science). For some hardcore sci-fi and fantasy nerds, I am definitely stating the obvious. To be fair, I haven't read enough of each genre to get that idea. So far, from my few readings, I gathered that: that fantasy has magic and dragons; and that science fiction always managed to predict the future. (Of the two, I prefer sci-fi. So says the frustrated lady writer who is penning a fantasy novel on the side. [Said fantasy novel is not Invisible.]) The only thing I didn't like about the seminar was the lecturer didn't go into much detail about magic realism (which some writers and critics have likened to being no more than a snooty term for fantasy), otherwise I liked it. Since it was a class full of writers, we shared some of our novel ideas. I even shared mine, which the lecturer commented on the concept having the "classic ideas". Afterwards, he wished me luck on my writing after I thanked him for the lecture.

I definitely will be attending future classes held by the writing organization. Hopefully, even a retreat in the future. But for now, let's see how things work out with finances...