Good Handwriting Is Hard to Find (Or: My Handwriting Ain't That Bad)

I have a weird hang-up about my handwriting. Back in grade school (I think it was third grade), after visiting the school library, the librarian pulled me aside just to tell me one thing: that my handwriting was terrible. Wow, what a nice, encouraging thing to say to a kid, right? No "improve your handwriting, dear" or "slow down on your writing", but a flat-out "it's awful and you should be very ashamed".

Needless to say, this librarian was known for being terrible anyway. If she had a kind bone in her body, it must've broke and never fully healed. Thinking back, I'm astounded that she was hired to be around children.

It has taken me years to get over this hang-up. You may be thinking "wow, loser, you're still hung-up on what a school librarian told you when you were a kid?" Uhm, yeah, jerkface. Yeah. Sorry that I don't have the flawless coping skills you possess. We can't be all like you.

Ahem, aside that, yes it's been a long journey to accept my handwriting. Now that I look at it, both cursive and print, I realize that it ain't that bad. It's not as neat and orderly as my father's (which I tried to emulate, being the daddy's girl I am), or looping and on-the-line as my mother's, but wow... it's like I am my own person or something.

I've come to love my semi-legible handwriting. It is a part of me, one that is hurrying to get everything down. Could I slow down? Oh yeah, but then my arm cramps from being held back. So it's a balance.

Attached: evidence of my handwriting.

I would post other samples, but they are of WIPs and journal entries... so yeah, just have the above instead.

Building A Thick Skin: How to Handle Criticism Like An Effing Adult

So I received my first piece of criticism regarding my writing in a long while. I was checking some poems I posted on an online magazine some time ago (it was for a letter I was writing) and there was a comment that was posted recently. Naturally, as a writer would, I read it. At first, I thought it was funny. Then I read it again. It finally stung me.

I called my mother to read it aloud to her, but the reaction from her was not expected. She didn't laugh along with me, but said "it sounds like someone's opinion".

She ended up totally right. Sure, I didn't completely agree with the commentor*, but I later came to respect this person for taking the time to write a response. My poetry elicited a reaction, which is better than complete silence (at least, in this case). In this age of the Internet, posting anything but praise or the so-called "correct opinion" has gotten people in some seriously dangerous places. And the way writers are acting about critics and how they sic their fan-bases on these folks... yeesh.

So the comment did two things: it humbled me and also made me analyze my relationship with poetry.

I'll be honest, I was worried that perhaps, the comment had a point about my poetry. Maybe it wasn't really good, maybe I really don't know how to write them. But I took a step back and recalled some of my favorite poets: Frost, Nye, Plath, Whitman, Brooks, Alexie, and Hughes. Each of them wrote poems in their own way, so what if mine didn't fit the ideas that the commentor had? Perhaps the commentor is used to radically different ideas of poetry; thus, who the hell am I to tell them they're wrong?

No, I did not reply to the comment on the page. It is best left alone and best I do not get involved that way. The writing speaks for itself, it doesn't need my "defense", they're big kids.

So thank you, random person who posted a comment on my poems. Thank you for your words and your time. As a writer getting into the publishing realm, I bow to you, the reader, in humility and gratitude.

*I don't think this is a word, but whatever. *Kanye shrug*

The Outline As a Sandcastle (Or: Outlines Aren't Giant Man-Eating Spiders, So Stop Fearing Them)

Writers are an odd bunch, as you may see just from my blog. We have different ideas on what to do to cure writer's block and where to find inspiration. One of the many spars us writers engage in concerns the ol' workhorse, the Outline.

Ah yes, the outline. It either helps the writer know where the f*** the novel is going or it misleads with its certainty and doesn't allow room for growth. I'll be the first one to tell you that I love the outline. It has saved my stupid butt more times than I would like to admit. And yet, the limitations of it are known to me, so naturally it is a your-mileage-may-vary thing.

But, allow me to add another perspective to this argument. First off, the biggest problem with outlines seem to be the limitations it brings to the writer. Once you jot it down, it is the equivalent of the 10 Commandments Moses brought down from the mountain. God help you if you change a thing, everything will be thrown into chaos, the writerly variation of dividing by zero. Or maybe you like seeing how the story unfolds without knowing ahead of the plot. But, to be honest, I find that reason to be silly. I mean, you don't want to get spoiled by your own story? Man, must suck to be you, then. You do know how our life is gonna end, right? The same as the rest of us?

Okay, allow me to make the outline less scary and more accessible. Think of it as a sandcastle. A lovely one, crafted with your hands and mind, with the dark beige sand and nice and smooth grains. Sometimes, you get a little help from friends or strangers. You spent hours on the thing, adding the random seashells that brighten it up or a piece of trash that makes an excellent banner for the tower. You could easily place in a contest, a victory worth a round of beers from the beach bar. But, as we know from building sandcastles, whether for fun or profit, sand is a malleable thing. We can change and add to it as much as we can. And sometimes, there is a surprise rainstorm or a rogue wave or an SOB wearing socks and sandals that threaten the poor sandcastle. You can only protect it from the elements for so long. It's gonna get smacked by something, it's only a matter of when, and maybe the what. 

If you think of an outline as a sandcastle, it is something you work on, is worth your time, and yet isn't as concrete. You know things could change very quickly, whether it's a surprise plot point or even a better protagonist. I agree that the outline's creative asphyxiation is an issue, but I'm beginning to think it's more of a block made by the writer than the outline itself. Writers are superstitious, things have to go very well and in certain ways in order for the writing to flow. Well, let's kick that myth down. You'll never have an ideal writing space or time. It's impossible. Stephen King typed out his early works on a child's desk in his trailer's laundry room, for Pete's sake. You can have an ideal method, but it will be tested and revamped, much like an outline would be. You have to allow for that flexibility, from yourself and from your work.

If you never tried it out, just give it a shot. You have nothing to lose. Really, you don't. How else are you gonna know if it works for you or not? You can only read enough testimonials, my dear writing peeps.

I'm just real tired of people making writing out to be this precious thing that can be only handled with kid gloves and the right amount of offerings to the muses. And while I reiterate that the outline is a preference and far from a rule of thumb, its alienating reactions from writers is something I want to end. 

On Writing Characters Like Me (Or: For the Love of God, Another Author Surrogate?!)

If I am guilty of anything in my writing (which I am), I would say the two things I can think of are: odd dialogue (I'm working on this) and author surrogates. Now, unlike the linked definition, I don't create these characters because I think I'm so damn awesome or because I want this author surrogate to jump in and say something about my beliefs. Nah, for some reason, I happen to make characters that are a lot like me.

Actually... *stops for a moment to count*

I only have three characters that I can safely say are the closest in terms to being like me. Now, it's never 100% , 'cause really, show of hands of who wants to see me become a fictional character.

*brief pause* Thought so.

But why do I do it? Really, I wish I knew. Perhaps it is the adage "write what you know", but one of the characters is half-Japanese (which I am not) and another is bisexual (which I am not also). So, if that's not the complete case here, do I secretly harbor the feeling that perhaps I am awesome? Well, not really. I do have traits that could be interesting, like my passion for music and random knowledge of trivia, so I throw in what would make the character human. And last I checked, I am human, so it makes sense to draw from there.

But the thing is, when it comes to character creation, you draw from everything and everywhere. I can't begin to tell you the characters I have created that are loosely based on people I know, from bosses to friends to random strangers I met at the mall. For Pete's sake, my parents were the basis for about four characters! So I am just another source, that's all.

As for those three characters, my literary "twins"? Do they do anything special in their stories? Not really. They struggle, fall in and out of love, have stupid jobs, have bad days at the grocery store, and do not possess super-special powers. I do my damnest to make them as anti-Mary Sue as possible. I owe that, not just to you fair readers, but to myself and to the characters. Not like they'll kick my ass for getting them wrong, but I feel I'm not honest if I write willy-nilly about them.

So, I just happen to have these three characters (all from projects I've mentioned on the blog: Blues, Invisible, and Dolls). Their similarities: tall white girls with German ancestry that love music and reading. Wow, such spectrum. :P

What are your feelings on this topic? Should authors stop using themselves as character idea wells? Is there a way to write an author surrogate that doesn't want to make you punch the author in the face? Am I just being silly? Should I find better things to write about? Let me know what you think in the comments!

Been a while...

Alright, sorry for the silence. Been applying for jobs and being rejected by them. ;_;

(On a happier note on the job front: my sister got a full-time job! And it's something she wants to do! So proud of her. All the less-than-threes!)

Also working on a new novel project. Got to the first 4k today and feel pretty good so far. I originally had plans to set the story right when the tragic events happen, but I like going in with not describing the horrors yet. It builds up the suspense. I can't wait until I can relieve that tension and write all that! In the meantime, set-up, introducing characters (including my first male narrator in effing forever), and doing a crap job at setting. Man, I may need to retrace my steps and fix that a bit.

I also rediscovered Twitter. And now one of my senators is following me. Saweeet.

Either way, that is what's been up with me. What about you?

One Giant Ramble About Writing and Public Discourse

Reading this blog post about a reviewer and author trading words made me really think about two things. 

One: I've been meaning to read this series, I have the first one on my Nook.

Two: Sweet holy everything, Mr. Aarnovitch, while I didn't find your response bad, you should've taken your advice you wrote on the first line and not engage. 

~

As a budding writer, I fear becoming so defensive about my work that I am horrid to whatever fans I end up having. I don't want to do that. If you read my book and don't like it, then there you go. And fans, don't defend my "honor" or whatever. If someone doesn't like it, let them be. They have gone through the same trouble as you have and read the book, but didn't get similar feelings like you did. Leave them be. And I don't mind either way how someone feels. If they threaten me with violence, on the other hand, the gloves freaking come off. But that's less "my writing" and more "my person", which I consider more viable and worth defending.

I have, in the past, been very defensive about my writing (even on here, why? I ask myself). Since I've done a lot of growing up, I realized that I could've handled it all better and now with hindsight, know what to do. Just take the criticism, be civil in response, and wrap up this burrito before it gets too stuffed. Plus, there are ways to be engaging in discussions, even controversial ones. But people invest in feelings over facts (I've been guilty of this in the past) and it clouds judgment. I prided myself in being able to engage in hard topics without losing my grip, but I have failed many times. I now know better. 

I've read an argument that once the book is published, it no longer belongs to the author... I agree somewhat, but disagree with it more. It still belongs to the writer as a creative work and copyright. Now if those who said this meant more of an interpretative matter, then I see what they're getting at. Death of the author is alive and well, hur-hur. But if the author done effed up real bad, there is nothing wrong with pointing out the wrongs. That's why readers are important assets. They keep the authors from getting too big for their britches. Well, some writers anyway. (*cough*LaurellKHamiltion*cough*)

But reviewers and readers, I ask you this: if you interpret something one opposite way when the writer meant another, why does that make your opinion more right? Back in 2011, Bitch Magazine posted a list of 100 YA books and got some flak for featuring a few titles (I haven't read those three but I want to one of these days) that didn't explicitly address the problems with rape culture. The books instead showed them in a "this is something that happens and here's how the characters feel about it". No side comments of "rape culture is bad, okay?", which I would find patronizing (but some people want that, what?). Any decent human being would draw to that conclusion without the author's assistance. The author does have a job to present these difficult concepts and show the horrid complexity (like how in Sister Red, one character considers scantily-dressed girls "sluts" and later shows that she was in the wrong!) Yet, the mere fact that the first event happened, don't recommend the book? Uhm, okay. By that logic, don't read any book. Did you know that everyone comes into the world knowing everything? And if you don't know something is wrong, everything needs to be spelled out for you? Good Lord, no wonder feminism get some flak for being educated to the point of arrogance.

I do think that trigger warnings would've been a good idea (on the list, in this case), since there are folks who get seriously upset about depictions of violence (whether subtle or explicit), but to remove the titles and offer alternatives just because a few people had grievances? I didn't know a few people had that kinda power. With that in mind, I declare Fifty Shades of Grey unreadable crap and should be banned everywhere!*

Or you can read what John Scalzi* and Abigail Nussbaum said about the whole Bitch thing and not read my words, since they wrote all that in the heat of the mess, and here I am, reflecting over two years later.

~

*I'm being entirely sarcastic here, I don't think the books of the Fifty Shades series should be banned, but I stand by the "unreadable crap" part. People should be able to access the book and draw their conclusions. Even spark discussion on BDSM in mainstream culture!

*Seriously, I love this guy. I need to read his books very soon. He won a Hugo recently!

Don't you hate it...

when you write something, think it's great, look it over and consider sending it out into the big 'ol world for others to read... and you come across a glaring continuity error?

Allow me to have the Beastie Boys express the reaction I had today when this very thing happened to me...

Okay, well good thing I'm not submitting the thing until next month.

Lesson learned.

*meme does not belong to me*

The point is to keep going...

Since recovering from my illness, I've had some time to think over about my writing. Starting today, I'm going to work on another novel project. There is a twist to this one, though. I'm planning on using Scrivener software! Since I won a coupon for it last year, I've been meaning to use the software for something.You shall know this one as City.

I will also participate in this year's Camp NaNoWriMo (in June)! Since I'm going to reapply for graduate school (prepare for it, Michener Center! I will get into your program!), I want November to be freed up. That is, if I don't find a good short story to send to them by that point. The story is mainly the reason I didn't get in last year, or so I think. But if I do find a story to submit by then, I may do NaNoWriMo again in November. What I might do is find someone I know and recruit them to be my reader (or bulls*** detector).

So there you go, peeps. What are your long-term plans? Short-term? Let me know in the comments!

Whoops, I overestimated...

After looking over some of the scene note-cards I made for Invisible, I realized that, in all honesty, the novel isn't going to need about 17k words to wrap the whole thing up. I can easily wrap up plot threads in about half of that, maybe even less. As I thought about it, it appeared that there wasn't much else to be said. I have truly written the falling action, now the denouement is upon me.

Looks like I seriously overestimated. Even if I add more scenes to earlier parts, I doubt it will make a huge impact. Not something to the tune of 17k.

But we'll have to see.

Notes on A Seminar

A few days ago, I went to a writing seminar on science fiction and fantasy novels. The seminar was hosted by the writing organization I recently joined. It was enjoyable, like being back in college, listening to a professor talk about a specialized topic. Also I learned some new stuff about the genres, like how fantasy (at least, the lecturer argued) that it has its roots in medievalism and Arthurian legends. As for science fiction, it is usually seen as the more "realistic" of the two, usually based on real things (y'know, science). For some hardcore sci-fi and fantasy nerds, I am definitely stating the obvious. To be fair, I haven't read enough of each genre to get that idea. So far, from my few readings, I gathered that: that fantasy has magic and dragons; and that science fiction always managed to predict the future. (Of the two, I prefer sci-fi. So says the frustrated lady writer who is penning a fantasy novel on the side. [Said fantasy novel is not Invisible.]) The only thing I didn't like about the seminar was the lecturer didn't go into much detail about magic realism (which some writers and critics have likened to being no more than a snooty term for fantasy), otherwise I liked it. Since it was a class full of writers, we shared some of our novel ideas. I even shared mine, which the lecturer commented on the concept having the "classic ideas". Afterwards, he wished me luck on my writing after I thanked him for the lecture.

I definitely will be attending future classes held by the writing organization. Hopefully, even a retreat in the future. But for now, let's see how things work out with finances...

Would you believe I'm still not done?

Here is the latest word count...

121934 / 120000 words. 102% done!

I still need about 9000 more words in Part 4, then an additional 8000 for the epilogue, which will put this first draft at about 140,000 words.

...

Well damn. I wasn't expecting that.

*ahem* Lemme put it this way. There is no effing way the final product is gonna be longer than that.

Oh look, everybody, there goes a flying pig! I'm gonna so eat my words here!

Eff that noise, it's gonna be much longer when I redo it. Lord knows my stuff tends to do that. And that's not even counting a few scenes I forgot to add in earlier parts!

Yea! Ladies and gentlemen, this is gonna hurt!

Keep on truckin'

I've been working on various bits of writing, including the never-ending Invisible (now on the halfway point of Part 4) and a flash fiction piece to resubmit. The piece was rejected and I received an email with a ton of critique and overall good advice. After poking at it, I think it's ready for prime-time. I'll wrap it up and send it off by the end of the week, see what happens.

'Bout it from here. See y'all later...

Need to start writing more

Not just fiction, but in my journal. On here. Anywhere. I have failed to keep up with this blog and from the looks of it, 2012 seems to be the beginning of a slim year.

But I can change that and make it more of what I want to see for my long-running blog. I never started this so I could become famous or make money off of it (in all honesty, I would love to make money with my reviews, but that would have to be an independent blog), I did this because, well, I like putting my thoughts out there and the few times I receive some form of feedback is nice too.

Like I stated in previous entries, things derailed for me pretty early on in the year with my job and grad school prospects. But from joining the writers' organization and signing up for a few of the classes, along with new strategies on the job-hunting front, it is likely that I'll have a great 2012.

Sure, things are not going the way I hoped, but I can't despair for too long. The time of mourning is over.

I'm officially a card-carrying member...

of a writers' organization. Hell yeah! I also registered for a couple of upcoming classes. This has helped me a lot with my confidence as a writer. This shows me that I love the craft and want to learn new things. Even though I still didn't get into my dream grad school, it doesn't mean I shouldn't stop writing or learning more. Yeah, I did get a bit derailed due to that, along with issues of perfectionism.

A note on my perfectionism: it has been something I always struggled with since I was a child. My father was always pushing us to always be prepared. He was also one to always act like he was right. His way or the highway. Needless to say, I internalized it so much that I abandon plans and projects mostly because I'm afraid of screwing up once. That was the bane of my second job at the non-profit. That's why I'm worried about job-hunting, finishing Invisible, even writing on this blasted blog. Every day, I have to tell myself to do it and just let myself goof a few times. How else will I learn, let along finish anything?

Y'know, it's funny. Here I over-prepared on the grad school application and yet, I sent them a story that I wasn't totally feeling and here I am, not a future Michener fellow. I focused my energy on all the wrong things. If I quit worrying about the application and saw that I wasn't feeling the story, I would be preparing to move to Austin and all that jazz. So yeah, it was my own damn fault. I acknowledge that.

Huh, this has gotten me to thinking. And wanting to write. Among other really big things. Gotta go now. I got stuffs to do.

Hey, I'm still here!

Sorry for nothing after the last entry. I've been busy doing nothing, as usual, but I finally began working on Invisible again. Damn, took me way too long to begin working on it again. I noticed, as I was writing, that I was cringing what I was writing. Where are the details? Man, I can't paint a good picture of pure chaos. So, that what was truly holding me back. I was afraid of not doing it right the first time. Ahhh, but you never will get it right the first time. But the next time you will. Sounds like Billy Joel lyrics. (Yes, I was thinking of "Get It Right the First Time" from The Stranger.)

Either way, on that and doing some stuff to prepare for a most difficult job search, that will include possibly moving away in the next few months. We'll have to see.

On a lighter note, here is my (so far) favorite song of 2012:

I'm sorry, I can't hear you all...

over the sound of my awesomeness.

At 3:46 AM local time on this day, my novel (now renamed to More Than Thorns) reached 51,425 words. I did it. I won NaNoWriMo. Happy early birthday to me!

I would like to thank the following:

-my sister for making a lovely necklace. It had good luck symbols (thyme and green aventurine) in a little glass bottle. Without this early birthday gift, I wouldn't have the drive to keep going.

-the new Talking Heads DVD for providing the best reward incentive: for every 2K of words to get closer to the end, I watch a performance.

-M83 and their new album Hurry Up, We're Dreaming. While listening to this fine album, it helped set the mood for the final 7K. "Steve McQueen" is glorious synth in its finest hour.

~

Now for some party-time music. Enjoy while I go over here and pass out. Gotta go to work later today and all.

Writing Update (Or: Seriously, This Is the Last Post for the Day)

Okay, here's the situation: I got interested in writing flash fiction again (thanks to a local alternative newspaper's online blog), so I've been doing a few stories. What I really like about flash fiction is that it really teaches you what little details would help make the story shine. Or how to capture a moment with two sentences about ten words long a piece. Very challenging, but I love a good one.

Atop that, I'm writing a short story in second person. Another fun challenge, me who often uses third person and sometimes first.

As for Invisible, I ran across an unfortunate snag. It is something that I believe can be amended by a great amount of research and possible peer feedback (when that time arrives, of course). But, without going into much detail, it was disheartening to discover it, but at least I'm glad I found at this stage. I will continue on it tomorrow. I keep stopping and doing other things instead.

Bad writer, bad! No new music for you!

~

One minor note: I subscribed to a few magazines. Haven't done that in a loooong time. I'll be getting Bitch (feminism/pop culture), Under the Radar (indie/alternative music), Mother Jones (progressive journalism), and Poets & Writers (take a guess...). Very excited! All fine magazines, please go check them out!

"Invisible" is alive once again!

I've been hard at work for the last few days to get the end of Part 1 of the novel. I can't believe it. Nothing really inspired me to go on, other than this need to do it. It also helps that I read Stephen King's On Writing (I read it while working on Blues when I began to hit some rough spots). I've waited over two months to try again and this time, I swear there will be no breaks like that again.

Let's do this thing right.

Some writing and life gripes

I'm working on the short story right now and man, my perfectionism (which is not OCD) is kicking in like whoa. All I want to do is go back and rewrite half of it, or give up because it's not turning out like I hoped it would. And it's 1,000+ words in, go figure.

~
One quick note: y'all, stop calling perfectionism OCD. It's not funny and you're not being clever! Look up what OCD is and learn that perfectionism =/= OCD.

*this comes from someone who has suffered OCD and is tired of this nonsense*
~

As for life stuff, I recently read this article and thought about things that had been going on in my life. I do honestly feel that I'm a seventeen-year-old in a twenty-three-year-old body. While I have made some big decisions (I'm basically paying for my insurance and my meds, buying big-ticket items without assistance, etc.) and moves (I've traveled overseas on my own, took care of most college matters without parental assistance, etc.) I still feel like I'm years behind everyone else. And yet, things are really tough right now. I continue to try, and I know some that are still looking for a job. It's silly to expect the new crop of twenty-somethings to mature the same way. I'm certainly not maturing the same way as my folks did. All of us are trying out another bag of tricks, that's all.

No, I'm not posting a clip of "That's All" by Genesis, or Keane's awesome cover of it...

Y'all can go for now... the show's over.

:P

Small writing update

Okay, since I continue to cower at the presence of Invisible, I've decided to move on and tackle short stories. I had one planned for a while, taking place in Fargo, North Dakota. Based on a true event, this huge tornado (classified as an F5 about four years later, after Dr. Fujita initally created the titular scale) struck the city, tearing most of its northern area apart. This character, who ends up being the father of the male student from Invisible, watches his family become affected by the tornado.

I haven't decided on a title yet. Short story titles are usually hard for me to come up with.

Wanna see what I'm getting myself into? Check out this link. Great pictures, a documentary, and other fine details await your consumption!