Building A Thick Skin: How to Handle Criticism Like An Effing Adult

So I received my first piece of criticism regarding my writing in a long while. I was checking some poems I posted on an online magazine some time ago (it was for a letter I was writing) and there was a comment that was posted recently. Naturally, as a writer would, I read it. At first, I thought it was funny. Then I read it again. It finally stung me.

I called my mother to read it aloud to her, but the reaction from her was not expected. She didn't laugh along with me, but said "it sounds like someone's opinion".

She ended up totally right. Sure, I didn't completely agree with the commentor*, but I later came to respect this person for taking the time to write a response. My poetry elicited a reaction, which is better than complete silence (at least, in this case). In this age of the Internet, posting anything but praise or the so-called "correct opinion" has gotten people in some seriously dangerous places. And the way writers are acting about critics and how they sic their fan-bases on these folks... yeesh.

So the comment did two things: it humbled me and also made me analyze my relationship with poetry.

I'll be honest, I was worried that perhaps, the comment had a point about my poetry. Maybe it wasn't really good, maybe I really don't know how to write them. But I took a step back and recalled some of my favorite poets: Frost, Nye, Plath, Whitman, Brooks, Alexie, and Hughes. Each of them wrote poems in their own way, so what if mine didn't fit the ideas that the commentor had? Perhaps the commentor is used to radically different ideas of poetry; thus, who the hell am I to tell them they're wrong?

No, I did not reply to the comment on the page. It is best left alone and best I do not get involved that way. The writing speaks for itself, it doesn't need my "defense", they're big kids.

So thank you, random person who posted a comment on my poems. Thank you for your words and your time. As a writer getting into the publishing realm, I bow to you, the reader, in humility and gratitude.

*I don't think this is a word, but whatever. *Kanye shrug*

Sorry, no title. *deal with it*

After making my announcement about my new job on here, I waited a week before posting it to Facebook. When I did, it was nice to see all my old friends and co-workers have something to say on the matter. I forget sometimes that I know a lot of very nice people.

My sister is moving in with her boyfriend! They get the keys to their lovely new apartment next month. So excited that my sister is not only staking her claim in the world, but also achieving some huge milestones along the way. Plus, her one-year anniversary with her current job is fast approaching. She and her boyfriend are busy working to get their things together for the big move-in. Not sure if they'll be needing assistance from me, but time will tell.

So, after doing some research, I have decided that my new-gen console purchase will be the Xbox One. Mainly due to the fact that I know the new Silent Hill title will not be an exclusive, plus the new Tomb Raider will be out on that system first (The other reason is that my sister is planning to get this system and I want to be able to play with her). This may change as time goes on, but I feel that the One will be a sensible purchase. Plus, I can transfer my Minecraft worlds onto the new system and play it on the game there!

I'm also looking into getting a new laptop. But the when remains an unknown. All I know for sure is I'm sticking with HP (a brand I've been using for a long time) and I may actually order it online (a first for me). After that, it becomes a question of what features I want the laptop to have and how much I'm willing to spend. I mean, the one I have cost about $700 and it has lasted me this long. Probably should keep that in mind as I keep looking.

Sadly, I've not kept up with my writing. I need to fix that, starting today. As the morning arises, I will begin more work into Dolls (hoping to wrap it up in the early days of October) and work on City before even thinking of tackling NaNoWriMo this year. In fact, the latter remains an unknown due to the new job, among other things. But actually, the project might be a balm for the hectic times. Who knows?

That's about it for now. Will update as it goes.

Whoo!

So, some personal news...

After months of wondering what the hell was going on with her hip, being in so much pain that work-camping was becoming more of a chore than a fun thing, my mom went to the doctor and found out she will be needing hip replacement surgery. She is scheduled to get it done in mid-November, over a week before my birthday.

Now, this isn't her first rodeo with all this, she had both of her knees replaced over ten years ago. But naturally, I worry since she is... well, ten years older than when she got her knees done (for those keeping score at home, she is sixty-one). Dammit, I knew having older parents was going to start haunting me at some point. And here we are: me fretting over it.

I know she is in good hands: the doctor did her previous replacement surgeries and has even helped my dad with his own arthritis issues. My mom is no hothouse orchid either, I liken her more to a lovely flowering succulent: low-maintenance yet when something is seriously wrong, TLC is welcomed with open arms. My parents are very faithful and believe in prayer (which can help calm one down during stressful situations) and also have great insurance, even the funds to pay off whatever the hospital will likely throw at them.

For once, I'm thankful I still live with my parents. With this surgery being a future thing, I feel I'll be able to help whenever I can. And no, it will not come at the cost of my job-hunting nor my possible future job(s). My mom made it clear that she will smack me upside the head (metaphorically of course!) if I ignore myself while helping her during the six-eight week recovery period. It may be things like help keep the house clean, drive her to some places, and even root for her as she works on physical therapy.

I was barely eighteen when my mom first went for surgery to alleviate her arthritis (sadly, a disease that has roots deep on both sides of my family tree). I was an immature, snarky, pessimistic girl then. I'm still snarky, but I have grown so much. Sure, I still get pessimistic thoughts and I have the tendency to whine especially when I'm under deep stress (better than getting angry, I guess); but I feel now that I can be more of a help as a young adult with a better grasp of herself. Not just because I got better psychologically, but now that I've shouldered a lot of responsibility since then, helping someone after a surgery wouldn't be an overwhelming thing to do.

But that doesn't mean I will not worry. Damn my anxious mind.

The one thing to keep in mind is that once it's done, my mom will be mostly pain-free until her days on Earth are done. May she live to be a hundred, more years of less pain and more adventure!

Love and cheers to you, Mom! You continue to be an inspiration.

Holy Moses, I vanished.

Well, not literally, but man have I not written on here in a long while. So in that light, let's go ahead and talk updates. And they're actually interesting, for once.

Life got in the way in the form of job interviews and applying for more jobs. The radio station job was a sad bust, but not too long after that, I rebounded and may have a chance at a local bank. Still waiting on one of the branches to respond to my query for an interview. But the HR interview went pretty well. I have a good feeling about this one, y'all!

Just as I was getting into the swing of that, dear God, I got called for jury duty. It happened today. Not that I hate it or anything, this is actually my second time actually going down to the courthouse and waiting all day and stuff. Unlike the first time, I got picked for a panel within the first hour. After delays upon delays (including lunch, 'cause that's priority, you guys), I sat in and got questioned. A thirty-minute wait after that and the jury was selected. From me talking about it here, you can guess safely I wasn't picked. (Otherwise, dear peeps, I suck at being a juror. /end joke). Oh well, maybe next time?

I wish I can say I've been a good little lady writer and wrote lots and lots, but not really. As usual, I suck at working it in. I really need to stop doing this to myself. It's a punch to my soul.

Beyond that, nothing else has been going on. Just life stuff. Be excited. *waves hands in front of your faces*

Might've celebrated too soon... or not?

*Note: This is a mish-mash of two posts that I never finished until now. You will see why as you read.

So after months of hunting, I found myself a second part-time job! It came out of effing nowhere, just a call about an application that I placed over a month ago, thinking nothing would come of it. Went in for an interview last Monday and got the call on Wednesday that I was selected. What were the perks? More hours to work (35 a week!), decent pay (I start at $9.00 an hour), and I get to wear socks all day! (It was at an early education center in my hometown.)

So I went to the second job last Friday to fill out the necessary paperwork. When it got to the discussion about vacation hours and all that, I realized that if I were to get into grad school, I was honest to God screwed. I couldn't get vacation time until I worked there for a year, so if something were to happen, it would likely make me quit the job due to that policy. I mentioned this to my new boss and she said that would have to talk to her superiors about it, let me know if this was too much of a risk.

I heard back yesterday and they said that they will hold off until I hear back from Michener. At this point, I'm not going to take the job. When a little time passes, I will contact them and say "thanks, but no thanks". I mean, to hold things off due to a theoretical, iffy thing? I could get a rejection any day now! Very weird, and frankly, kinda sad. Oh well.

But this morning I got yet another job interview! It's for a local radio station looking for an office assistant.

It's pretty damn surreal to have all this going on. I'm very excited. Even if grad school doesn't happen, the job search is going better than the last few months.

Either way, the last week or so have been very trying and interesting.

Huh...

Just when I was preparing for my upcoming vacation, I was ninja'd with some interesting news: another bookstore in town needs a full-time person in the kids' department and I was considered. Earlier in the month I had the interview. I went in and learned more about what is expected from a full-time kids' bookseller. It is kinda what I thought, along with other things I was surprised to know about*.

Either way, while it sounds promising and interesting (plus I won't lose my health insurance at the end of the year), I began to think whether or not it's actually a good idea to take the job.

To my utter shock, I was given the job. I was called earlier today and got the news. Yet after thinking it over and talking about it with my mother, I called back and declined the job. I'm sure they weren't thrilled about it yet I feel like this was the right thing to do.

I love working at B&N, but I'm ready to move on. I want to try out other things, take on different risks and tasks. Being a lead bookseller sounds good, but I want to move on. My hope was once I returned from San Francisco, I will start seriously job-hunting. Get the eff away from retail and get the life I wanted.

And that is what I'm gonna do.

*For the sake of being a good soul, I will not talk about these things, since it's none of y'all's damn business.

Book ninja!

My plans for World Book Night changed drastically when the day had dawned upon me. Originally I was set on having some helpers (my sister and her boyfriend), but that didn't work out. Then the weather in town was getting a little icky. I was also concerned about being accused of soliciting and a little bit anxious approaching people in general. The "well dammit" that changed it was the first park I went, there was hardly anyone there.

Instead, I became the Batman of literature, a book ninja if you will. I slipped copies of the book into four neighbors' mailboxes (with little handwritten notes), dropped off five copies each at my doctor's and dentist's offices while they were all on lunch, gave one to the Sonic employee who delivered my drink, and went to my former job at the non-profit and gave them two. I now have three left and I'm saving those for two co-workers and a manager.

So my story isn't exactly as awesome as some will be having today, but it went better than expected (yea meme).

Will do this again next year, but two rules will apply: 1) do it with other people and 2) go to a women's shelter instead of hitting the parks.

I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the book light for your nocturnal reading needs... I am the book ninja!

*disappears in a cloud of smoke*

Brief update

Hello everyone! Didn't want to post anything yet, give a few days from the tragedy at the Boston Marathon to pass (didn't seem appropriate to post on that day). Before I begin, please keep everyone in the city in your thoughts/prayers during this time. If you live there, do what you can to help out for those harmed or looking into the crimes. May justice be served to the a**hole(s) that did it.

~

Alrighty then, not too much going on otherwise. Still a bit ill, been taking to naps more than I like. It's a good thing I don't open at work tomorrow, I would be SOL. Took a three-hour nap. In fact, on the day of the Boston Marathon tragedy, I was napping and woke up to the news. The last time I woke up to bad news was when the Space Shuttle Columbia went down.

Got my World Book Night books and goodies. I'm eager to see how it will work out. May even post about it here! Not sure, will have to see as the day gets closer.

Not much else here. Will keep posting, as usual.

Midterm Elections (in which I sorta reveal my home state...)

Man, I'm not the least bit surprised how the elections went on in my state. The winner came to the surprise of absolutely no one, yet I'm still flabbergasted. Why the world do all my state-bound peeps still want Rick Perry? Are Democrats too scary? Do you like his fantastic hair? What is it?

Joking aside, I voted Democrat because I'm tired of my state being one of the lowest in education. I'm tired of having to hear the governor make ridiculous claims that we could secede. Don't even get me started on the textbook nonsense.

While I didn't like the Democratic choice, but it was anybody but Perry at this point. I want better education for this state. We deserve it. It's great that my state is surviving this economical depression so far, but that doesn't change much for the well-being of many. People still can't get jobs, higher education is expensive beyond hilarity, and we're not handling the border situation well at all. We can do better than this and we failed by reelecting Perry.

To all those who hate me for voting for White: I'm sorry that I believe in silly things like giving everybody a chance to have a good life.

~

Side note: I'm not as well-versed in politics as I like to be, but I'm slowly making amends to that.

Where the hell have I been? Well, here's the answer (albeit long-winded...)

A few days ago, I somewhat cryptically stated that my week had exploded. I didn't list what made it do so. To be honest, now that I look back, maybe that was too strong of an analogy to use. A better one would be that it was... you know what, screw analogies. Last week was just one that went wrong.

In my Music class, I had to turn in a rhythm composition piece (eight measures, simple meter, etc.) and when the class performed it, someone said it sounded like "The Nutcracker". "Aah, f***!" I shouted in my mind. I had a fear that my work would accidentally lift a rhythm from somewhere else, and my fear came true! I remained embarrassed for the rest of the class. My professor didn't hold it against me, saying something about rhythms aren't copyrighted. He was nice about it, even felt bad for me (or so I assumed). So, I didn't get into trouble. I even got some extra time to work out some homework I couldn't finish.

All of last week, I had been playing a hyped-up version of "Catch-Up". I've been reading and editing, slamming my head against my desk when I work on Music homework, and fretting about my Victorian Lit paper. On top of that, I fell ill again. This time, it was a good ol' head cold, complete with lingering cough and schizophrenic nose.

I've gotten no writing done, but that will change today. I'll write a little before I head to work. But first, I have to finish some more homework.

Reading? Well, I've been trying to obtain everything Haruki Murakami has ever written and I'm about seven books short. I started Zombie by Joyce Carol Oates about two days ago. It's honestly one of the most boring books I've read this year. And Shakespeare's history plays were more engaging than this!

Music? No practicing on Zimbra, unfortunately. I'm going to do that over the summer instead. It'll keep me busy.

Listening to music? I've been doing some listening and buying. I bought the Modern Lovers' debut album, The Velvet Underground & Nico, Fur and Gold, Prospekt's March, and Talking Heads' last album.

Finances? They could be better. I have plans to work a second job: be my parents' housekeeper. I'm saving up for a few things: a new laptop, a trip to Europe next year, and some random objects that I can't think of at the moment. I have plans to purchase two last things: the re-released LPs of Talking Heads' debut album and Remain in Light. Then, it's off to the saving party!

My job? It's going okay, but I need to work more. I'm starting to miss out on things. I'm going to talk to them about hours, make my case.

I also ordered my college ring, but my card hadn't been charged... how odd.

After that, things have been decent. The new week's shaping up to be something better than the last. I leave you, trying to figure out what to do next...

-Lindsey

News, both random and good...

First off, my Mustang arrived! Here she is! *see below image*



Isn't she gorgeous? Plays wonderfully too. I named her "Zimbra", after the Talking Heads song.

If I practice guitar for one whole month, unfaltering to that, I'll purchase an amp. For now, she sounds like a twangy acoustic.

~

I'm ONE book away from my goal to finish reading 56 books by the end of the year. Yea!!

~

No grades back yet. My thinking is they'll be posted tomorrow.

Nothing much else. I leave you listening to "Only You" from the Silent Hill 1 game soundtrack...

-Lindsey

The votes are in...

Sen. Barack Obama is our newest president. *tries very hard not to freak out from excitement*

Check out the news here.

We witnessed history being made, ladies and gents. Way to go, everyone. Voters rock!

Congratulations, Senator!

I leave you, excited about the upcoming inauguration...

Regards,
Lindsey

I have no voice, but I do have words...

It's been almost twenty-four hours since I had all four of my wisdom teeth removed. One had to be dug out (since it never surfaced, like the other three), so go fig that its former location hurts the most. I got to keep them and they are all intact (one is a bit chipped), it's weird how such things can cause so much grief later on in life.

I'm trying not to talk as much so the holes can heal up and I don't form those horrible dry sockets. Thank God for words... and head/hand gestures.

~

So, I decided for the better, to drop the Sci-Fi class. The paper, among other things, was preventing the class from being worthwhile. But I did try the paper, but I guess I may need to go back to Basic Essay-Writing 101. Not that makes me feel bad or anything, but it never hurts to take a refresher course.

Addendum: I did say the last time that it wasn't an option, yet I forgot to mention that I had considered it when I dropped the Fiction class. I just didn't do it at the time.

~

I got the tarot cards! I also found a lovely little bag to keep them in. It's green and looks Irish with a trisket stitched in gold. For some odd reason, I don't fear the cards. They actually feel positive and approachable! I guess it irradiates the happiness that I have for them. I do random readings, but nothing serious.

I'm a Christian (Unitarian influenced by Taoism), a fairly open-minded one. I was raised believing tarot cards were evil and etc. But I honestly don't think tarot cards are evil at all. I get nothing like that from my cards, let alone any decks in general. Yet, tarot cards will not replace God and prayer. No, not at all! I love God too much, :D .

I credit Aeclectic Tarot (http://www.aeclectic.net/tarot/) for their articles and card interpretations, especially all the different spreads. They schooled me good. Thanks y'all!

~

I had an idea running around in my head for a while. It's time I put the sucker on paper. Wish me luck!

I leave you, listening to Celine Dion's "It's All Coming Back to Me Now"? Lemme switch it... ah, "Satellite" by Guster! Yet another indie band I support!

Regards,
Lindsey

Am I still a writer?

I heard back from a longtime friend and telling her about what's been going on in my life since we last spoke had got me thinking about the future of my writing. I haven't touched it since late August, that's when all the issues have come to a head.

I now arrive at a big hurdle: writing a paper for my Sci-Fi class. I could up and quit the class, but that's not an option. This is the chance to pull myself up and try again. Put all my mad skillz to the test. My reward: a lovely deck of tarot cards. Of course, I must get it finished before my surgery, so I can recover from it without much stress.

I guess the title is the big question I've been asking myself for a while. I still call myself one. It is a part of me, yet no longer the dominating force. Guess it's wait and see.

Yea, two days until the first day of fall!

I leave you, rocking out to Squeeze's "Cool for Cats" (in my head)...

Regards,
Lindsey

Man, I need to update more often...

Wow, I had to drop an English class. That is unheard of... for me. But, it is for the best that I take a step back and look over my life as it is right now. I've never been this self-aware before, which is both exhilarating and infuriating.

~

Because of my stress, and other things likely, I'm now ill! I can't have this, not when my surgery is two weeks away! I hope it goes away soon...

~

As for school reading, I'm eager to begin The Great Gatsby. Also, my editing textbook... which reads like any textbook: boring and methodical. But hey, an AP style open-book quiz is this Monday! XP

~

Going to the counselor has revealed that pretty much everything my parents and my sister have been telling me for years... is valid. Well, looks like I should've listened to everyone, huh? :P

I don't know if I still want to be a writer, or even pursue my current degree plan. But, I'll have to ride out this semester and see what happens.

Special thanks go out to my family and my friends for being supportive and loving, and a salute to my counselor for helping me get back on my feet.

~

Recently, I found a poster promoting Fear of Music by Talking Heads. I should be getting it soon! :D

It's my reward for going to counseling.

~

I leave you, rocking out to nothing... well, maybe to the sound of my AC, if I can detect a rhythm.

Regards,

Lindsey

P.S.: I'm having font issues. It'll be fixed the next time around...