Thoughts on Life Is Strange

**I'll say it once and say it again, there be spoilers. Be wary!**

A while back, I played a video game called Life Is Strange, which was known for having mature themes (ooh boy, no kidding there) and being episodic (which is cool, glad this is becoming a thing). I watched Dodger's Let's Play of it up to the final episode and knew I had to play it for myself. I even went as far as not watching Dodger play the last episode so I can be surprised. Not too often do I watch a Let's Play and want to play the game even when I saw most of it already in action.

So when it came my turn to sit down and play it... boy howdy, this game is a soul-puncher. I mean, on the surface, ti shouldn't be, but damn. I know, some would look at the summary and lose interest fast. I mean, a teenage protagonist? Whatever, plenty of shows like that out already. What would make this game any different? Well, I guess not that much. I ain't going to pretend this game is treading new ground here, but its presentation and takes to the tropes are what stick with me.

SPOILERS AHEAD

Thoughts on Moving Out

So it's over a week until I get the keys to my own apartment and get all my stuffs moved out. But man, seeing all the things I have accumulated over the years has got me to thinking about how I feel about it all.

In all honesty, I'm not entirely sure what to feel. I want to feel proud for having a decent-sized personal library and a beautiful record collection, but at the same time, I'm like "so this is where most of my money went to". If anything, it's definitely humbling. And I do hope by getting my own space that I change my relationship to all my things. See what blesses me, get rid of what doesn't.

Other thoughts include (I choose you... Bullet List! *throws out Pokeball*):

• Whoa, since I'll be on the third floor, I'm gonna have some sexy legs!
• Oh dang, don't I have a few preorders left? *checks list* Yup, I do.
• I'll still have to worry about making noise, since I'll have neighbors VERY close by.
• Thanks to my dad and eBay, I now have my own sweet audio system!
• I have over twenty boxes full of books alone. OMG. 
• I won't have the Internet on at the abode* right away. I may need to change that. 
• Got some blessing candles by Crystal Journeys: Housewarming and Protection! I'll also have my mom pray in the space as well before I get settled in.
• I better have a kitchen island. *glares at apartment complex*
• Places I'll live nearby: two 7-11's, two major freeways, several other apartment complexes, a movie theater, and a Starbucks. 
• Despite moving closer to a major freeway, my commute to work is shaved down by five-seven minutes. Good thing I don't give a f***. 

*In the spirit of bloggers naming people or things with funny titles, I will refer to my new apartment as "the abode" until further notice.

Is This Really the First 2015 Post on Here? Good Lord.

It's been a long time since I last wrote on here. No end-of-the-year lists or anything else. To be honest, I was considering putting the blog on a hiatus or even shutting it down for good. The funny thing is, I am still considering that. I'm not sure what I am doing on here anymore. Now that my time is being, understandably, taken up by my job and whatever else I can squeeze into my free time, I have to make a lot of changes to what I do on a daily basis. I spend less time checking email and other fun websites, I don't even shop that much anymore. I honestly don't have the time.

And now, here comes the big question: should the blog be the next cut? It takes less than a couple of hours a week to write a few entries, schedule them, and be done. But what is it all for? I know I have a scant audience (though, whatever audience I have, I do appreciate you all very much). But is my heart still into it? The answer: honestly, I am not so sure. It's hard for me to gauge right now.

I feel like I'm not putting out any interesting content, more repeating myself about not writing things and wasting time doing things I don't need to be doing. That can get boring after a while. So, I have to give all this a long think. Do I want to continue Musings of a Frustrated Lady Writer? And if I do, should I specialize my content? And if I don't want to continue the blog, do I leave it up as an artifact or delete it? Should I continue business as usual and write whatever I damn well please since this blog is really for me at the end of the day?

And also, let's be real here: if I decide to keep the blog, it's time to call it for the end-of-the-year lists. I may not make one up for 2014 since it's already near the end of February and releasing something now seems pointless. I honestly never enjoyed doing these because I'm not that good at keeping up with current releases and because I am saving up for something REALLY BIG later this year, sadly my book and music purchases have to take the back seat.

And I do mean it: no more end-of-the-year lists regardless of what decision I make. If I find an awesome current release, I'll share it as soon as I experience it.

This is the beauty of writing, my friends: you write what's in your heart and mind. Once you do that, you look it all over and the answer becomes clear.

...

Yeah, I think this blog ain't ready to be retired.

Sorry, no title. *deal with it*

After making my announcement about my new job on here, I waited a week before posting it to Facebook. When I did, it was nice to see all my old friends and co-workers have something to say on the matter. I forget sometimes that I know a lot of very nice people.

My sister is moving in with her boyfriend! They get the keys to their lovely new apartment next month. So excited that my sister is not only staking her claim in the world, but also achieving some huge milestones along the way. Plus, her one-year anniversary with her current job is fast approaching. She and her boyfriend are busy working to get their things together for the big move-in. Not sure if they'll be needing assistance from me, but time will tell.

So, after doing some research, I have decided that my new-gen console purchase will be the Xbox One. Mainly due to the fact that I know the new Silent Hill title will not be an exclusive, plus the new Tomb Raider will be out on that system first (The other reason is that my sister is planning to get this system and I want to be able to play with her). This may change as time goes on, but I feel that the One will be a sensible purchase. Plus, I can transfer my Minecraft worlds onto the new system and play it on the game there!

I'm also looking into getting a new laptop. But the when remains an unknown. All I know for sure is I'm sticking with HP (a brand I've been using for a long time) and I may actually order it online (a first for me). After that, it becomes a question of what features I want the laptop to have and how much I'm willing to spend. I mean, the one I have cost about $700 and it has lasted me this long. Probably should keep that in mind as I keep looking.

Sadly, I've not kept up with my writing. I need to fix that, starting today. As the morning arises, I will begin more work into Dolls (hoping to wrap it up in the early days of October) and work on City before even thinking of tackling NaNoWriMo this year. In fact, the latter remains an unknown due to the new job, among other things. But actually, the project might be a balm for the hectic times. Who knows?

That's about it for now. Will update as it goes.

Whoo!

Some Random Thoughts on Depression

I've been reading quite a few DIY, minimalist, and life coaching blogs these days. Mostly to get a grasp on how to figure out life and what to do in a myriad of situations.

I've had depression since I was 19 and OCD since I was 13, so I've lived with these two ornery gits for a long time, almost half my life (at least, in the case of OCD). So I'm having to learn how to live with them in my life, but taking on a different role. A backseat one, if you will. One where I have more control of my emotions, how I react to things, and so forth. Prior to that, my emotions could be all over the place and even out of control at times (at the worst possible times too, like at work and even with loved ones). It was ugly, no wonder I really hated myself. I wasn't that pleasant to be around.

Besides doing a lot of psychological healing, I have to do a lot of physical (both bodily and outside myself) work too. I've mentioned about having so much stuff because I bought things whenever I was emotional or in need of something to fill the hole up that depression drilled into me. I've been selling and getting rid of a lot of stuff. I find myself not wanting as much stuff anymore, but save enough money to live off of feasibly. In terms of my body, I've been eating better and drinking more water. I save sodas and alcohol as treats but I rarely have it anyway. I enjoy treats like cookies and cake more when I have it less often. It makes me appreciate it all even more. Plus, I also put on weight when I was depressed (about twenty pounds actually).

I've been incorporating exercise (Pilates and running via treadmill and Zombies, Run!) into my life, keeping a journal both here and on paper IRL, looking for another job that utilizes my skills and keeps me on a good health plan so I can continue to be mentally and physically healthy, making plans for tomorrow and further into the future, and all this blog-reading has helped me save money and even budget better.

It is a long road of recovery, probably one I'll be on for the rest of my life. I'll stumble, have to pull into the breakdown lane (insert reference to Jerry Harrison/Casual Gods song here), and I may even have another episode. Who knows? But at least I'm more sure of how to handle it and even work through it if it gets to that point.

Yes, depression is not fun to live with. Yes, you will have to deal with it for the rest of your life. But it is better than the other option (speaking of death here). Just trust me on this one, my friends, from someone who's been on the brink more than once.

To tumble or not to tumble...

I've been thinking of reopening my tumblr and using it again, but not sure for what. Can't really think of a good use for it. Perhaps a catch-all for random-ass stuff?

Any suggestion/idea would be greatly appreciated.

Haven't said much in a while... (TW: depression)

Yeah, to be honest, I'm blaming the lack of posts on no motivation and getting used to being on antidepressants. It is weird to be (somewhat) dependent on a drug to manage my moods. I've been doing okay, been hit hard by my period. So yeah, that will make things more fun for now on.

Either way, it hasn't been easy to get back into the swing of things. I'm on the hunt for a full-time job and it's not going well at all. Haven't heard a thing and I start thinking it's me, that I'm under-qualified and not worthy of a good-paying job. It makes me wonder how much longer I'll be stuck in retail. Will I have to work another Christmas? What am I doing wrong? Is it internships until I get blue in the face? The worst thing is that I know I'm not the only one, but others that I know are succeeding. What are they doing right? Is it pure luck? Or do they have something I don't? Personally, I don't want to think about it right now. It'll just make me sad.

I know that Jupiter_Nova hasn't been updated in a long time. Please don't remind me. It's already upsetting to see the "last posted" date.

As for writing, it's been a challenge to even sit down and write something, much less a blog entry. Reading? Forget about it. I have too many books. Finances aren't getting better. I'm starting to think that this is going to be the rest of my life. Being eternally immature, living with her parents, working retail, and dreams of being a writer instead of actually doing it.

But I can't do this to myself. I worked hard to get through that depressive episode, so I could live again. I know that it won't be easy, but I have no choice. I didn't regain control of my life only to lose it again.

I'm gonna have to do this. I apologize for my speed, but things will be getting back... well, not to normal, but I'll be at least posting more often and doing other things.

Until next time!

What I've Learned from NaNoWriMo (and Writing Reviews All Year)

Here I am, basking in the victory of NaNoWriMo and working on my grad school application. Haven't done much in the way of editing the application's story and Invisible. Probably a little burned out from writing, I dunno.

Just was thinking about what I've done so far and I have to say, it isn't half bad. With my reviews, I realized I need to work on providing a better way of conveying both good and bad sides and then having a way of saying "yeah this was (good or bad)". Just something else.

Also, with working on More Than Thorns, I learned that I can write something long in about a month and it turning out promising. A hilarious thing about this story was that in its former life, Thorns was a rip-off of The Shining, only in Louisiana and the house was a Greek Revival. Thank God I was able to resurrect it. Normally, when a story gets that entrenched in gory things like that, it's beyond saving. The other funny thing is, I actually miss the world and the characters of Thorns. I really want to revisit it and add more scenes. But Invisible and the application story need to get done.

The biggest lesson I got from NaNoWriMo was to have fun. I forgot how much fun writing can be. Editing is fun too, don't get me wrong. I had an absolute blast. It was the challenge I've been needing for so long. I set goals and met them (well, most of them) and got absorbed in another novel world. I had to tell my editor shut the hell up and just write. I learned to give it my all, even if I wasn't 100% satisfied with the final product. In order to be a successful writer, I must let myself actually do some damn writing (that and edit it, but you get the point). Editing and revisions aren't going to be my problem. It's crossing that first finish line, finishing the first draft.

All this? My friends, this is the craft of writing.

Randomass thoughts for your reading enjoyment

• I'm lacking an important tool: a paper awl. So I have been using a small awl my father uses for household projects. It works well, but it hurts to use. Earlier today, I bought a hole punch that you use with a hammer to see if that ends up being better. Will let y'all know.

• On the hunt for more hobbies, my mother suggested that I try crocheting (one of her longtime hobbies, alongside reading). We found a beginner's kit on sale at Hobby Lobby. We'll see if that ends up into something good.

• I currently have 13 library books checked out. What hast thou done?!

• For the first time in f***ing forever, I'm gonna get right back into writing and editing. I swear to God, if I don't do something about my procrastinating... I will kick my own ass. *grumbles*

To close, here are some of my finished bookbinding projects:

And yes, that is a crocheted afghan. My mother made it.
Yes, it is awesome.
No, you cannot have it.

Some thoughts and an old review...

First off, the review. When I was more active on Gamespot, I occasionally wrote reviews of video games I had either recently played (or in the case of the second Tomb Raider), games I really liked. The last review I posted was one on Silent Hill: 0rigins on the PSP. It's funny to read it now and see that I still hold the same opinions as before. In a rare moment of awesome, it was recommended by four out of four people. Not bad. I never received any feedback, but what can you do?

Here is the link. Just promise me you'll open it in a new tab or window, then return to read the rest of my entry. Thank you! :D

I'm fond of this review because it shows that while I still had to grow more as a critic, I was on the right track. Wish I added more detail though.

Y'all are more than welcome to check out my other reviews, but this one just stood out more to me.

This makes me want to work more on becoming a critic. It's fun and of course, gives you the chance to try out new things!

~

I've been thinking over my life and found that I am stuck in a rut. Glad to have figured this out now and not, let's see, later in my life! To alleviate this, I made a list of forty-three things (based on the website of the same name) to do before the end of 2011. I'm gonna share them with y'all:

1.    Move out
  This one is obvious. I'm still living with my folks and I love 'em to death, but I need to move on. Preferably to another city.

2.    Get a better job
  This one is probably the shocking one to most of y'all. I have talked about how much I love working as a bookseller. I do, that hasn't changed. But I need a consistent amount of hours and better pay in order to... you guessed it, move out! It may be possible that getting another job may not need to happen, but I can't place all my chips on that hope.

3.    Start dating
  I've confessed at least once that I've yet to date. I'm looking forward to the "meeting new people" part, not so much of the drama-llama stuff that could happen. Eh, it's a necessary evil. Just guys will learn quickly that I have zero tolerance for the drama llama.

4.    Become socially skilled, becoming a butterfly not necessary
  Thanks to that introvert book I've been reading, this may be an already accomplished goal. Yet, I need to test myself and be consistent. But I have faith it'll work.

5.    Go to San Francisco and stay a week
  Maybe not a week, but still. 

6.    Go to a writing conference
  I'm unsure if I want to go with someone I know or go by myself.

7.    Start attending church or do a charity thing
  By church, I mean a UU one.

8.    Unless ill, donate blood often
  I think I can donate every eight weeks, but I have to check on that.

9.    Get a tattoo
  This is another one that may surprise people. Yeah, been thinking about it for the better part of the year. Right now, I have a design idea but stuck between two places to put it: on my right foot or under my upper left arm.

10.    Read all my unread books and/or sell ones I no longer want
  Kinda explains itself, really.

11.    Get a recliner
  I'm happy to say that this will happen, likely in September, when my custom-order recliner arrives!

12.    Get published seven times
  I tell myself that if I do, it'll look sexy on my resume and my graduate school application. It'll give them the illusion that I'm not just a lazy dork who keeps a blog!

13.    Enter seven contests
  Gotta start getting competitive and all, right? This also has the same desired achievement as the publishing one above.

14.    Intern at [literary organization]
  Yeah, ain't telling ya which one. There's a local one that I've been meaning to intern with. Get the experience and see what it's like to be there.

15.    Take guitar lessons (alternative: learn “Heaven” by Talking Heads)
  I mean, I could take lessons. But, by and large, I taught myself to juggle and braid. I am also a mostly self-taught writer! So why not teach myself? That is why there is an alternative.

16.    Make four new friends
  Just more people to know, that's all.

17.    Register as a bone marrow donor
  This has been something I've pondered over for the better part of a year. An issue with insurance prevented me from doing this a long time ago, but now since insurance is not really a problem, I may register at the end of the year. I already have a semi-rare blood type, so my bone marrow type may be as equally semi-rare!

18.    Travel to New York City and stay a week
  There are tentative plans for my family and I to go, but we'll have to see if plans change. Either way, I'm going. Somehow...

19.    Stay in touch with my current friends
  As an introvert who is wary of Facebook, hates MySpace, and thinks Twitter is lulzy yet cute... I have trouble keeping up with friends on social networks. I'm more of an email, phone, and in-person kinda person (yeah, contrary to my nature). So I vow, friends that read this blog, you may be hearing from me soon and more often!

20.    Get a gun license
  This is kinda random, but I would like to know. For self-defense and of course, the hopefully-it-won't-happen zombie apocalypse. Seriously, I would like to know how.

21.    Have two awesome birthdays
  Makes total sense. I should have fun turning 24 (this year) and 25 (next year). 

22.    Take the GRE and other grad school tests and do awesome at them (not perfect, but awesome)
  Since graduate school is likely, I'm hoping 2012, I should prepare to take the dreaded tests. Hopefully I could get away with just the GRE.

23.    Get an iPhone or a better smartphone
  My current phone is a giant little pain in the ass. But AT&T's plans are kinda blah, or so I heard from other iPhone users. So I may convert to something good on my current plan with Verizon.

24.    Apply for grad school (after getting scores back)
  Besides the scores, I need to start writing letters, getting letters of recommendation from people, and of course... submit writing samples.

25.    Finish the first draft of Invisible
  At this rate, I may be into next year and wrapping this up. It's a slow process.

26.    Finish the first draft of Wind
  Same goes with this one, though I foresee its completion in late '11.

27.    Get to the second draft of Blues
  That's right. Two years after it's originally written, Blues will get its second draft. Silly, I know.

28.    Have a collection of at least twenty short stories
  What I mean is have at least twenty short stories that I could shoot into the world.

29.    Have a collection of at least thirty poems
  Same as above, only replace the obvious words.

30.    Drive to a place out of town
  This may occur sooner. But it is more getting confidence that I can handle out-of-town traveling.

31.    Get a new pair of glasses (alternative: try contacts, if my prescription doesn’t make them expensive)
  I have a feeling the alternative will be too expensive, but I will ask regardless. My glasses will be two years old in November, and I make it a thing to change them at least once every two years.

32.    Join a message board (alternative: rejoin a message board)
  The alternative will happen more likely than the former due to the fact that I already have one in mind that I would love to return to. I may also join a good writing one for the lulz.

33.    Try my hand at vlogging
  Not sure how I'll go about this, but it will involve buying a camcorder, which was something I always wanted. Of course, I will let y'all know when it happens.

34.    Freelance at least twice
  This may change to something else, but you never know...

35.    Go out to eat with co-workers at a bar/pub
  I mean, why not?

36.    Make a long, hard list on things about yourself including beliefs and so forth. Don’t be afraid to list all the good and the bad. It is best to know yourself.
  This does explain itself, but to further add on it... I feel like I don't truly know where I stand on a lot of things. I also want to show that, yes, I am actually not a bland and silly person. Proof to show myself on the hard days.

37.    Establish a habit to where I write at least 2,000 words a day; also edit at least seven pages of something else.
  Well, there ya go. The editing thing is new, I need to start doing that.

38.    Establish a much better budget
  I'm slowly figuring out how to work with my money, so this could be an upcoming victory. Until then, I'm having to save up for October. Guster's new album, Rock Band 3, and Fallout: New Vegas are all being released within weeks of each other. How exciting! :D

39.    Switch to [new bank] and get their [sweet credit card]
  I dunno if switching banks would be necessary, I have to check on that. Otherwise, I would love to get this bank's really awesome card. It sounds like something I could get behind.

40.    Say goodbye forever to [my current credit card]
  I haven't had too much trouble with my current credit card. Well, other than it not being accepted everywhere and it becoming a game of "Does This Store Accept [Credit Card]?" To avoid this, I'm switching. Not sure when, but it's happening.

41.    Take a yoga class
  Preferably with someone who really knows all the things needed to know about yoga (like the spiritual aspect and so forth).

42.    Establish a better sleeping habit (maybe all I need is five hours, who knows…)
  I'm stuck between sleeping for six to nine hours, depending on health factors. I find myself best at seven hours of sleep.

43.    Learn to cook my own damn food
  Explains itself. I keep seeing cookbooks and wanting to try them all out. Should do that, buy an interesting cookbook and then make an entire meal.

~

Haven't fallen asleep yet? Awesome! Well, I will update on the progress I make on the list, among other things. Do y'all have 43 (more or less) you would love to do/accomplish? Share them! I'm curious to see what others are striving to do.

I leave you with this quote that I found today. It was one of those that I needed to read.

*No title*

I haven't finished reading Henry the IV for class tomorrow and I don't care.

I have a quiz on said play tomorrow and I don't care.

I haven't finished reviewing a non-fiction piece for tomorrow and I don't care.

I have no idea why I feel that way. Oh wait, I do. Damn Spring Break...

Either way, eh. Is it May yet?

I love my hometown...

I really do, but for the first time in a long while... I have this desire to move away.

All we care about are our sports teams, not our education system or the library system. I want to live somewhere that loves their arts programs, their libraries... well, more than the sports teams, that's for sure. And a thriving music scene! God, all the cool bands never come here!

Maybe, I should base my future moving plans on this list, Y/Y?

San Francisco- hell yes!
Seattle- rain, coffee, and a great indie scene? Sign me up!

My sister could be onto something about Portland, Oregon.

I leave you, thinking about how I could possibly move due to this crazy economy...

-Lindsey

P.S.: I'm actually writing stuff! Yea! :D

Some thoughts...

I just started reading New Moon. Okay, it's not a good book, but not OMGWTF awful!, but yeah... rolling my eyes at the constant quips of Edward/whoever else is just freaking gorgeous.

Edward's such a pushy dude. Bella is a grouch. It's a breezy read, but man... I hope it's just the period talking. I have to hate it. The first one was bad.

Also finished Andy Summers' One Train Later. He can sure spin a good yarn. He has quite a handle of language. Mr. Summers, write a novel!

~

Also started reading Jane Eyre. God, I forgot how wonderful this book is. Such language and description... and the characters! I'm in a happy place right now.

~

Sorry that this isn't much of an entry. Later then...

-Lindsey

Some random notes, from life to pop culture...

I'm too lazy to write out a complete journal entry. So, here's a list of thoughts:

-Fallout 3 is a pretty awesome game.

-I really hate those those celebrity magazine shows (The Insider, Showbiz Tonight, etc.).

-Family Guy has worn its welcome.

-I haven't read a single thing since last week.

-I'm undecided whether to read New Moon or not.

-Not sure what or when to start writing again.

Nothing much else to say, so good-bye... for now.

Goal completed!

As of tonight, I completed my "read 56 books in a year" goal! Book #56 was Neil Gaiman's Coraline, which was a wonderful little read.

I didn't think I could do it, but this proves otherwise. I'll continue until I lower my book back-log, which was the original reason I set up such a lofty goal.

~

Today, my family and I took a road trip out to a camping area we used to frequent. Nothing much had changed. When we stopped at a little antique store in the nearby town, I found a few books: old paperback versions of Deliverance by James Dickey and I Know What You Did Last Summer by Lois Duncan.

Stopping there also keeps a life-long theory of mine afloat: go to any small town (by the coast is better), stop at a bookstore or local antique shop, and take note that about 90% of all the books sold there are used copies of romance novels. I know the reason why this is the case, but it never fails to entertain me.

At the local theater there (yes, this tiny town had a functioning theater), two films were playing: The Day the Earth Stood Still and Twilight. *Screams at the last one and runs for the hills*

~

Oh man, I think I'm a secret Iron Maiden fan. Already, I proved I was a secret Rush fan earlier when I bought Moving Pictures for Rock Band 2 DLC.

~

I leave you, thrilled about the future.

-Lindsey


P.S.: Nice going, WB. Taking down yer video channels and all that business. You fail.

Mark my words...

...Paramore's "Decode" will become a downloadable track for Rock Band and/or Guitar Hero: World Tour.

Just you wait, y'all. I sense it. With the Twilight film coming soon and the possible marketing ploys MTV might pull...

Addendum: not into the whole Twilight noise or Paramore at all... this is just a random thought.