I've been reading quite a few DIY, minimalist, and life coaching blogs these days. Mostly to get a grasp on how to figure out life and what to do in a myriad of situations.
I've had depression since I was 19 and OCD since I was 13, so I've lived with these two ornery gits for a long time, almost half my life (at least, in the case of OCD). So I'm having to learn how to live with them in my life, but taking on a different role. A backseat one, if you will. One where I have more control of my emotions, how I react to things, and so forth. Prior to that, my emotions could be all over the place and even out of control at times (at the worst possible times too, like at work and even with loved ones). It was ugly, no wonder I really hated myself. I wasn't that pleasant to be around.
Besides doing a lot of psychological healing, I have to do a lot of physical (both bodily and outside myself) work too. I've mentioned about having so much stuff because I bought things whenever I was emotional or in need of something to fill the hole up that depression drilled into me. I've been selling and getting rid of a lot of stuff. I find myself not wanting as much stuff anymore, but save enough money to live off of feasibly. In terms of my body, I've been eating better and drinking more water. I save sodas and alcohol as treats but I rarely have it anyway. I enjoy treats like cookies and cake more when I have it less often. It makes me appreciate it all even more. Plus, I also put on weight when I was depressed (about twenty pounds actually).
I've been incorporating exercise (Pilates and running via treadmill and Zombies, Run!) into my life, keeping a journal both here and on paper IRL, looking for another job that utilizes my skills and keeps me on a good health plan so I can continue to be mentally and physically healthy, making plans for tomorrow and further into the future, and all this blog-reading has helped me save money and even budget better.
It is a long road of recovery, probably one I'll be on for the rest of my life. I'll stumble, have to pull into the breakdown lane (insert reference to Jerry Harrison/Casual Gods song here), and I may even have another episode. Who knows? But at least I'm more sure of how to handle it and even work through it if it gets to that point.
Yes, depression is not fun to live with. Yes, you will have to deal with it for the rest of your life. But it is better than the other option (speaking of death here). Just trust me on this one, my friends, from someone who's been on the brink more than once.
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