Side note: this blog post is not for any woman who had been mistreated/abused/assaulted by men and they have come to distrust them. Y'all have my deepest sympathy and support.
Earlier this year, I made a horrible realization. I was becoming the very thing I dreaded. Whenever dudes expressed an interest in helping the feminist cause, I rolled my eyes and claimed they wanted "ally cookies". I considered never dating since men were "basically scum" anyway. And I also became a bit hostile to the idea of men in general.
I was becoming a misandrist.
Sweet Lord, when it hit me, I about flew all the way to Milwaukee (who am I kidding, that would've been awesome. For one thing, all four seasons! ...I'll shut up). It was horrifying to see myself becoming that very kind of person.
The first thing I said to myself when I decided to become a feminist five years ago was "I won't be a man-hater" (the second being "if feminism excludes women in any way, I'm gonna go somewhere else"). I grew up with hearing the stereotype of feminists hating men and being generally hostile towards them. I wanted to subvert that and even consider men to be potential allies (which I do, believe it or not).
After realizing this, I looked back on my interactions with men. While thankfully I've controlled myself in public, there have been times over the Internet that I could've handled it better. I could've addressed my points without parroting a bunch of words and actually said what I wanted to say in my own way (like I'm doing here!). I didn't want to be one of those social justice folks that got angry and threw a bunch of f-bombs when someone posted something ignorant. Instead I wanted to address it with a sense of level-headed passion. In other words, I wanted to be a person that men and women could turn to and ask about feminism in general; leading them towards the sources that helped me shape my ideas and even form my own opinions on things.
I backed away from a ton of sites that weren't helping me in this regard (like ONTD_Political and even some tumblr blogs I used to follow) and opted to find more sources to help me explore politics, feminism, race issues, and so forth on a deep level without worrying about extremism. Let me be the decider on the fact I want to be a radical feminist, not have someone "tell" me I have to.
Y'know, it helps a lot that I was raised by a father who didn't take a look at my gender and go "welp, ain't teaching her nothing". He taught me a lot about people in general, home improvement/DIY, being independent, financial knowledge, and so much else. (In fact, he does laundry, cooks food [he makes a mean bowl of Thanksgiving mashed potatoes], and cleans the house; all without the assumption that he doesn't have to do it because he's the breadwinner and so forth.)
In all honesty, I think men can help in the feminist cause. There is so much they can learn, teach their fellow men, and do to help us women. There are times that they should step aside (like abortion rights, etc.) and times they do need to address problems within their culture (like rape jokes and so forth).
Like how I was the complete opposite of what I am when I was a teenager, I was in danger of going the same route. I want a healthy middle ground. And so, I stopped myself before it was too late.
P.S. And gentlemen? Misogyny is also for losers. Be like my dad and teach your daughters how to change the oil and don't expect your spouse to be a hired maid.
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