A Long Work Week Over

At my job, when it's predicted we'll be busy AF (especially since this week is Spring Break), we have to work mandatory overtime. So every day I've been going in for 10-hour shifts. By Wednesday night, I was feeling it. Twitchy eye, yawning constantly during the shift, waking up groggy... I really hope this doesn't happen again anytime soon. Sure the pay is nice, but I think it was chipping away at my health. So Friday marks the last of it and thank God! My paycheck is gonna look nice, but I'm not sure the cost is worth it. My parents say it is, but I'm not so sure anymore. Last I checked, overtime was voluntary. Oh well, what do I know? I'm just a spoiled millennial. /sarcasm

This weekend shows no signs of slowing down as well. I have errands to run, but then sweet relief on Sunday... I get to see my best friend for the first time since last November! She recently had her first child, so naturally she was spending time with the little one and getting used to that new thing called motherhood. I have no doubt in my heart and soul that she is a great mom. That kid is one lucky little dude!

I also have some cool things to look forward to: a writing class in April up in Austin, an online writing class the month after, the Silversun Pickups show in May as well, and then case/lang/veirs in August!

Not much update on my writing projects, though I did stop doing the flash fiction challenge that started at the beginning of the year. It was becoming more of a chore and less fun, so I wanted to move onto other things. I also stopped writing a poem a week for the same reason as well. My goal is to finish what I started, edit as much as I can, and start submitting more work out to the world.

So that's about it for me here! Until next time...

And here we go!

So I got the keys to my new apartment and all the moving kicks off tomorrow morning as my family (sans me, 'cause my job didn't let me get the day off) start moving my stuff in. I'll pitch in throughout the week and finally help out on Saturday. And I'll spend my three-day weekend setting up everything.

This song has been looping through my mind as I prep for the week ahead:

Working Hard for What You Got

So, thanks to my dad crunching some numbers and helping me out with some expenses, I have a budget to follow. The biggest reason for this push to save money is well because... I want to move out by year's end. And also, my parents are gearing up to make a one-way trip to Arkansas, where they plan to retire and live out their remaining years. They want to get all that ready by next spring, so one of the big things that needs to happen is... me leaving. So yeah, I have a fire under my butt now.

I also got a fire under my butt concerning my job. My scorecard wasn't looking all that great (in fact, it's plain bad) despite that I have the customer service skills and I have a good handling of the material back from training. But it was hard for me to secure payments since I was getting too scared. And this fear could cost me all this if something wasn't done. But thanks to the kindness of a co-worker, I have gotten much better. In fact, we anticipate my scorecard being the best it's been next month. But honestly, I don't think I would've gotten even to where I am right now without my co-worker's help and generosity. So thank you, dear co-worker and friend*. (Fun fact: she was also struggling to get better and has now become our team's best performer. So not only did she come from a similar place, but decided to help out her team!) When I asked her what made her want to help me, along with helping a couple others, she said that she couldn't "stand to see people failing and nothing being done about it". Folks, this is what a great co-worker acts like.

So, more than ever, I am learning to work hard for everything I got. I have bills to pay, money to save up, and big decisions to make**. But I am beyond thankful that I have a supportive family and a team of co-workers that want to see me succeed so badly that they're stepping out to show me what got them to where they are.

So, thanks everybody! *all the hugs*

And yeah, reading Psycho-Cybernetics is helping quite a bit too.

~~

*No naming names, y'all. Unless I have permission, of course!
**mostly of the financial variety, thankfully!

~~

ETA: my next post is my 500th, OMG. Honestly, I don't have anything planned, but you never know what could happen. But, heads-up: it could go either way. Awesome thing or weekly update.

~~

And now... a random gif.:

Some minor life updates (TW: depression)

As I'm listening to someone narrating an excerpt from the new Michael Chabon book (I'm probably gonna skip this one, kinda having my doubts about it), I realized that I haven't done anything for this blog. I have a good reason for it.

I done forgot.

Either way, I went to the doctor a few weeks ago about my moods and health. Turns out that I don't have hypoglycemia (it runs in my family), but my good friend Unipolar Depression has stopped by for another visit (makes this the fourth time in six years, the annoying git). Because of the latter, I was put back on antidepressants for the first time since I was last diagnosed at nineteen. Unlike last time, I will be on these pills for about six months to a year. Oh well. But if I'm having depressive episodes four times in a six-year period, I think I may need a little medicinal help.

I'm currently not seeking a therapist, mainly due to financial issues, but also don't need one at this time. I am feeling much better than before, the past almost like it never happened. It was like "whoa, I was upset about all this? Odd." That's the funny thing about being depressed, you forget about it after it goes away and doesn't come back until it feels like it. I read a while back about someone's struggle with depression and likened it to a persistent cold. That's a pretty damn accurate description.

So yeah, I've been dealing with the blues for a while. Whenever some major event comes up and it stresses me out to a breaking point, it usually triggers depression. My mom thinks that my menstrual period has a role in this, due to my PMSing prior to the depressive episode. I wouldn't be shocked; heavy and psychologically-damaging periods also run in my family.

I'm waiting on the next period to see if it is part of the problem. But knowing my family history and even my past history with my menstrual flows, I think I have my answer.

~

All that aside, I am doing very well. Just working, reading, and writing. I got to spend time with my mom over the weekend. She got this job as a maintenance host at a nearby state park; she gets to stay at the park for free, so I went over to keep her company. It was the first time I went camping in over five years. I forgot how much fun it was.

Sorry for the long silence, y'all. We'll be getting back to things in time. Take care!

P.S.: If you or a loved one is dealing with depression, do not hesitate to ask for help. There is hope for you. There are medicines, there are therapists. It is hard to admit that you need help, but it is the bravest thing you could ever do. I've been living with it for five years and made peace with it. If I, a sometimes self-loathing neurotic and nervous young woman, can do it; so can you!

Things That Happened While I Was Not Posting...

in bullet list form for easier reading!

• I had a serious wake-up call about my current job last week. Now, I'm on the search for a new, full-time job. 
• Haven't studied the GRE completely in about two weeks. Good thing I have almost two months to study...
• I have considered never posting on Twitter again. Unless a long stretch of my life suddenly gets exciting.
• I saw Driftless Pony Club at a show and got their EP Expert autographed. They're great live.
• Got a metric ton of Women's Studies books from Borders, since they're going out of business.

  Speaking of the last thing, I have avoided the topic of bringing up who exactly I work for. Honestly, I wanted to avoid getting fired for saying bad things. It is time, in lieu of Borders's closing, to reveal. But for those who have read the few times I mentioned it and put the pieces together, it is probably easy.
  I work for Barnes & Noble. I have been there for almost five years (this coming November). Thanks to this job, I have met so many great writers from all over the country. Had fun experiences with customers and co-workers. It was a wonderful place to work while I was in college. But it is time to move on.
  I need full-time, consistent employment. In this economy, that is a hard thing to find. There has to be something there that will fit me.

  And that is what transpired in the last week or so. Now if you excuse me, I'm gonna make some more posts to make up for the lack of them...

The reason for the lack of an update...

I think my week just exploded. I don't know how it happened. Things are okay now, but damn...

I'll be back in a few days. I promise.

Some not-so-surprising things I learned today

I tried, but honestly, I have better things to do. I can't finish New Moon. If I wanted to hear someone bitch, I would record myself and loop it.

I haven't read all that much lately. I blame class readings and my renewed interest in Fallout 3.

No writing yet. I want to, but I have to actually do it.

I love Netflix, but can I afford to keep a subscription? Well, of course.

I think I shouldn't be ashamed of the fact that I have a lot of unread books. Sure, buying twenty new ones isn't going to help, but it's okay to buy a few new ones. As long as I read them.

BTW, I may not post as often. Possibly twice or once a week, I'm not sure. So, it's not that I'm abandoning this, but I want to minimize my Internet usage.

I leave you, wondering why I'm beginning to be forgetful...

-Lindsey

Here's something I haven't done before...

I checked out online personals. Wow, maybe I should go join a club on campus or something. Meeting someone online still weirds me out.

Yeah, as I'm about to reveal... I haven't dated yet. At all. Just too scared to. Or maybe, it's not my time.

Anyway, also checked out Facebook. Good Lord. This is why I fear the Internet. Too much information being shown and s***. I deleted my account very quickly. I did find a few people I knew, but I don't know. I rather email them.

I sound like an technophobe, but I have more issue with giving out lots 'o info just to find people I once knew.

Eh, whatever... I should be doing schoolwork.

I call it. *see below*

I probably said it already in my last posts, but anyway... Happy Thanksgiving!

Yeah, I call it. I can't finish La Reine Margot in time. But hey, I got very far. Chapter 42 of 66. My sis will likely succeed with Jane Eyre. Go sis!

My next post will be a book review. I leave you, listening to Fleetwood Mac's "Isn't It Midnight"...

-Lindsey

Gaaah, the pain...

I swear, I've been popping pills ever since I got my wisdom teeth pulled. First, there were the two painkillers (one had codeine in it!) and the antibiotic. The painkiller with the codeine made me have some weird-ass dreams and I would pass out and take one-hour naps. I have since stopped taking them and gone back to the ibuprofen initially prescribed for my sciatic nerve pain, which works better IMHO. Several days after finishing my antibiotic, I got a head cold. So here I am, popping cold meds and nursing a nasty headache that came from the headbanging I would do when I cough, XD.

On the teeth front, they're healing beautifully. I got a syringe at my post-op visit and cleaning the holes got easier. I've gotten back to eating regular foods, but I've been avoiding sodas. I'm sticking to water, tea and anything else but soda. It's been two weeks since then. No more caffeine dependency for me!

~

I finished reading Richard Matheson's Somewhere In Time a while back. It was okay, started off good but slowed a bit in the middle and got better at the third-quarter. I would recommend it, but please... just read What Dreams May Come. It's infinitely better.

I recently went to the library near my house and borrowed a few books. One was Basil of Baker Street by Eve Titus, which was the basis for the best Disney film ever: The Great Mouse Detective. I liked the book, it was really cute.

Another is Kenneth J. Harvey's The Town that Forgot How to Breathe. I haven't finished reading that, and I may not get to. I can't get into it. Gah, I hate it when that happens.

I'm having a similar issue with "Mrs. Dalloway". Man, I have so many books and only eighteen of them really appeal to me! No more buying books on a whim, that's for sure.

~

So, Silent Hill: Homecoming finally came out. I finished it in a week and here's my verdict: I liked it. I thought it was going to be the worst thing ever, but I was wrong... sort of. I think the crew that made this game can totally pull off another title, but they need to stop referencing the damn movie. Please guys, we Silent Hill fans only ask for originality! Heck, ask us for ideas. We're bursting with them!

~

I'm also happy to report that I finally figured out what I wanted to do with my life: stick with my current degree plan and keep soldiering on. Alas, regrets of dropping the Fiction class have risen. Oh well. At least I got in, :D.

~

Man, I don't think tarot card reading is going to be a new hobby. I like it, but it hasn't stuck with me. I should give it a few more weeks, and then decide whether or not to give up and move onto something else.

I got a tarot card reading from someone at this new-age store my sister likes. For twenty-five bucks, I got told this (all this is to the best of my memory):

-I'm afraid of myself (duh)
-I have five pieces ready to be published (wuh? Which five? This has perplexed me since that day)
-I'll dabble into every form of writing (you know, I have planned to)
-I'll be famous (o_O!)

And I thought my silly daydreams of being a famous writer were just... well, silly! I almost died of laughter in my chair.

~

Ah, grand schemes. One I have is to do NaNoWriMo. Make up a whole new idea and do that. Lord knows I have enough time...

Another is submit some poetry to my university's literary magazine. They're taking pieces for next semester. Maybe I could get in. Who knows? I have to try.

No more. But trust me, I'll think of some...

~

I just listened to Brian Eno and David Byrne's My Life in the Bush of Ghosts. Go get this album! It is amazing. So cool that I can't think of a rational, unbiased thing to say other than... damn!

Already, one song has inspired a poem.

~

I've been working on and off on my writing. But no quitting here. I'm back in the game, everyone. Let's celebrate by living. Oh, and voting in this year's fine election. So don't forget to vote!

Wow, I need to shut up now. Long post is getting longer. I leave you, nursing a headache yet smiling all the way through it... until a pang hits and I clench my teeth.

Regards,
Lindsey

Am I still a writer?

I heard back from a longtime friend and telling her about what's been going on in my life since we last spoke had got me thinking about the future of my writing. I haven't touched it since late August, that's when all the issues have come to a head.

I now arrive at a big hurdle: writing a paper for my Sci-Fi class. I could up and quit the class, but that's not an option. This is the chance to pull myself up and try again. Put all my mad skillz to the test. My reward: a lovely deck of tarot cards. Of course, I must get it finished before my surgery, so I can recover from it without much stress.

I guess the title is the big question I've been asking myself for a while. I still call myself one. It is a part of me, yet no longer the dominating force. Guess it's wait and see.

Yea, two days until the first day of fall!

I leave you, rocking out to Squeeze's "Cool for Cats" (in my head)...

Regards,
Lindsey

Man, I need to update more often...

Wow, I had to drop an English class. That is unheard of... for me. But, it is for the best that I take a step back and look over my life as it is right now. I've never been this self-aware before, which is both exhilarating and infuriating.

~

Because of my stress, and other things likely, I'm now ill! I can't have this, not when my surgery is two weeks away! I hope it goes away soon...

~

As for school reading, I'm eager to begin The Great Gatsby. Also, my editing textbook... which reads like any textbook: boring and methodical. But hey, an AP style open-book quiz is this Monday! XP

~

Going to the counselor has revealed that pretty much everything my parents and my sister have been telling me for years... is valid. Well, looks like I should've listened to everyone, huh? :P

I don't know if I still want to be a writer, or even pursue my current degree plan. But, I'll have to ride out this semester and see what happens.

Special thanks go out to my family and my friends for being supportive and loving, and a salute to my counselor for helping me get back on my feet.

~

Recently, I found a poster promoting Fear of Music by Talking Heads. I should be getting it soon! :D

It's my reward for going to counseling.

~

I leave you, rocking out to nothing... well, maybe to the sound of my AC, if I can detect a rhythm.

Regards,

Lindsey

P.S.: I'm having font issues. It'll be fixed the next time around...