NaNoWriMo 2012 Plans (or: I Was A Teenage Fan-Fiction Writer)

As the ninth month of the year draws slowly to a close, along with the end of a brutal season and the entrance of my favorite season, it is time to begin making plans for NaNoWriMo. After some serious thought, I have decided to participate in it again. Maybe I won't be in it to win, because the prize may likely be the same (coupon for Scrivener, etc.) or I may just do it just so I can get another sweet avatar thingy showing how effing boss I am.

I'm torn between two ideas: the story of an FBI agent and a local detective solving the mystery of a dead butler. Or a Silent Hill fan fiction about a possible apocalypse.

Okay, lemme explain the last one a bit. Yes, I used to write fan fiction. Silent Hill was one of the fandoms. No, I never published any of it. The only one I finished was a short story about what happened in South Ashfield Apartments during the events of Silent Hill 4: The Room. No, I will not publish it anywhere on the 'Net. It has a terrible OC (original character) protagonist. Now, we shall never speak of it again... (eh)

Either way, I'm tempted to write the fan fiction. It was an old idea that I never got around to finishing, and it sounds pretty effing awesome. I had this whole thing scoped out, like big-time. It's going to require a major overhaul, the protagonists have moved onto starring in original fiction that I've planned out. But it will give me a chance to really execute some of the original ideas I had for the characters on newer ones (e.g. I had plans to make the main character have amplified hearing). Yeah, you know what? Eff it. I'm gonna do it.

So, here is to a fun-as-hell NaNoWriMo. 2012 was a rough year. I think I deserve a fun writing project.

This post was brought to you by my second favorite Channel Awesome personality and Roxy Music's "Same Old Scene".

 

*meme does not belong to me*

Haven't said much in a while... (TW: depression)

Yeah, to be honest, I'm blaming the lack of posts on no motivation and getting used to being on antidepressants. It is weird to be (somewhat) dependent on a drug to manage my moods. I've been doing okay, been hit hard by my period. So yeah, that will make things more fun for now on.

Either way, it hasn't been easy to get back into the swing of things. I'm on the hunt for a full-time job and it's not going well at all. Haven't heard a thing and I start thinking it's me, that I'm under-qualified and not worthy of a good-paying job. It makes me wonder how much longer I'll be stuck in retail. Will I have to work another Christmas? What am I doing wrong? Is it internships until I get blue in the face? The worst thing is that I know I'm not the only one, but others that I know are succeeding. What are they doing right? Is it pure luck? Or do they have something I don't? Personally, I don't want to think about it right now. It'll just make me sad.

I know that Jupiter_Nova hasn't been updated in a long time. Please don't remind me. It's already upsetting to see the "last posted" date.

As for writing, it's been a challenge to even sit down and write something, much less a blog entry. Reading? Forget about it. I have too many books. Finances aren't getting better. I'm starting to think that this is going to be the rest of my life. Being eternally immature, living with her parents, working retail, and dreams of being a writer instead of actually doing it.

But I can't do this to myself. I worked hard to get through that depressive episode, so I could live again. I know that it won't be easy, but I have no choice. I didn't regain control of my life only to lose it again.

I'm gonna have to do this. I apologize for my speed, but things will be getting back... well, not to normal, but I'll be at least posting more often and doing other things.

Until next time!

Some minor life updates (TW: depression)

As I'm listening to someone narrating an excerpt from the new Michael Chabon book (I'm probably gonna skip this one, kinda having my doubts about it), I realized that I haven't done anything for this blog. I have a good reason for it.

I done forgot.

Either way, I went to the doctor a few weeks ago about my moods and health. Turns out that I don't have hypoglycemia (it runs in my family), but my good friend Unipolar Depression has stopped by for another visit (makes this the fourth time in six years, the annoying git). Because of the latter, I was put back on antidepressants for the first time since I was last diagnosed at nineteen. Unlike last time, I will be on these pills for about six months to a year. Oh well. But if I'm having depressive episodes four times in a six-year period, I think I may need a little medicinal help.

I'm currently not seeking a therapist, mainly due to financial issues, but also don't need one at this time. I am feeling much better than before, the past almost like it never happened. It was like "whoa, I was upset about all this? Odd." That's the funny thing about being depressed, you forget about it after it goes away and doesn't come back until it feels like it. I read a while back about someone's struggle with depression and likened it to a persistent cold. That's a pretty damn accurate description.

So yeah, I've been dealing with the blues for a while. Whenever some major event comes up and it stresses me out to a breaking point, it usually triggers depression. My mom thinks that my menstrual period has a role in this, due to my PMSing prior to the depressive episode. I wouldn't be shocked; heavy and psychologically-damaging periods also run in my family.

I'm waiting on the next period to see if it is part of the problem. But knowing my family history and even my past history with my menstrual flows, I think I have my answer.

~

All that aside, I am doing very well. Just working, reading, and writing. I got to spend time with my mom over the weekend. She got this job as a maintenance host at a nearby state park; she gets to stay at the park for free, so I went over to keep her company. It was the first time I went camping in over five years. I forgot how much fun it was.

Sorry for the long silence, y'all. We'll be getting back to things in time. Take care!

P.S.: If you or a loved one is dealing with depression, do not hesitate to ask for help. There is hope for you. There are medicines, there are therapists. It is hard to admit that you need help, but it is the bravest thing you could ever do. I've been living with it for five years and made peace with it. If I, a sometimes self-loathing neurotic and nervous young woman, can do it; so can you!

Glad to be back!

Sorry for the long silence, folks. I had an Internet issue, which took days to fix. The modem wasn't working, giving me DNS look-up errors and other sorts of frustrations. The funny thing is, I thought my computer had been hacked. But nope, it was something just as bad!

It's good to be back here. Not sure about what to do now, but I'll think of something.

Stay tuned as always!

A word on grad school

After giving it some thought over the last few months (and the stress I've been dealing with lately didn't help much), I have decided that I will not apply for grad school next year.

I'm not in the best financial situation right now and since I'm in the process of finding new employment, I'm not going to stress over it at this time. I would rather get a full-time gig, make some good money, find a nice place to live, hone my writing skills with vocational classes, and get published a few more times. Just for now, at least. I'm sure once I'm financially secure (well, the best I can be in this economy), I'll decide if grad school is right for me.

I'm not sure if I want to get an MFA just to write better, or become a teacher of sorts, or even change my focus to something else like women's studies or a specific branch of literature (I'm thinking Japanese literature) or library science. Hell, I was considering going overseas to teach English, but it feels imperialistic, so I'll likely pass on this. Or I'll just say "eff this" and do one of those low-residency MFA programs.

Honestly, I have no effing clue if I'll further my studies.

I got an idea. Lemme get an effing job first. After that, I'll go from there...

New York City: Day 1

*The following post can be enhanced with the listening to Talking Heads' "Cities"*
(All of the pictures here, unless otherwise indicated, were taken by me)

My sister and I flew out very early in the morning to LaGuardia Airport. All I did was read this book on my trusty Nook ST "Callie", while my sister slept at the window seat. We arrived freakishly early, like noonish, and our room wasn't ready. We stood in line to get a cab and rode for about thirty minutes. So yeah, from Queens to Manhattan.

I'm back!

The title says it all, I've returned from the big NYC. I'll go back to posting about three times a week, including a play-by-play of my trip!

Things have been good around here, though I've been dealing with some anxiety and stress for a while. It did affect the trip somewhat, but I still managed to have a good time. I'm gonna go seek some psychological help for this one. Will keep you all posted on that.

Either way, doing much better now. Stay tuned for the play-by-play!