So Long and Thanks For All the Fish

Hey everyone, it’s been a real long time since I posted on here. And there was a reason for it; that reason was I was getting tired of this blog. I found myself without any inspiration to update it with any kind of post, even though I did take time out to plan out some potential topics, yet I didn’t get the muster up to actually finish them. For a while I cited this lack of motivation as depression, then later to being busy with work. You can tell starting from late 2014 that once I got a full-time job, keeping up with Musings became more challenging, so this wasn’t far from the truth. So I decided, since I didn’t know what was causing it, to take a step back and give it a few months to figure it out. It dawned on me about three months into 2017…

I was done.

Sure I could keep it up for myself, but updating it is not the plan anymore. There was a time where this blog was a safe harbor, especially when I was in college and working in retail. Now that those days are long gone and I have a lot of things going on: full-time job, living on my own, paying rent and other things (including a car payment!); it is time to clean house and find out what I want to spend my time doing. One of those things did not include keeping up with this blog.

So what is the future of Musings? Well, after this entry, there will be no more. The blog will not be deleted, I rather keep it up for archival purposes and for myself. If I do start another blog, it will likely be at Wordpress, but the when I cannot say and that day may never even come.

I am fonder of keeping paper journals, especially since I’ve fallen into the hobby of fountain pens as of late. Taking the journal class with Rowdy Kittens sealed the deal for me on how I felt about this blog. It just took me much longer to admit it.

To those who stopped by, been here from the beginning, or whenever… thank you so much. I don’t know how many of you are there, but you all count. Thanks to my friends who left comments, for continuing discussions, and just being awesome overall. Thanks to my family who barely flinched when I announced I wanted to be a writer when I was sixteen.

If you want to continue to follow my adventures, check me out on Instagram (link at the right side): @thenewadventuress.

It’s been a fun, heartbreaking, crazy, weird, funny ten years.

Fare thee well!

Alright, I'm Back!

After almost a month of silence, Musings of A Frustrated Lady Writer rises from its deep slumber and is ready to continue!

Part of the reason for the break was because of a very hectic three weeks at my job. First off we were down a lot of people due to a training class for dental claims, then a lot of callouts and sick days turned my once-robust night team into a skeleton crew. Calls seemed to pour in without end. Along with that, I began helping out with a long-term project that involves returned checks and there was a significant learning curve with that. But things have settled down and my focus can now change back to other matters, like this blog!

Right now, there are workers repairing the roofs of all the apartment buildings in my complex. After months of living with leaks and a semi-permanent solution of tarps over said roofs, the repairs are in full swing. Even with this finally coming to pass, I am still going to move out of the complex when my lease is up. So that is one huge thing that is happening later on this year. As it gets closer, I'll go into more detail. Right now my focus is on getting rid of as much stuff as possible.

Writing and reading also sat in the back-seat for a long while too. Since I have today and tomorrow off from work, I am going to use this time to catch up on reading and working on finishing a project.

Last weekend, I was able to attend another Writers' League of Texas class in Austin, where I learned the fine art of writing short stories. It was tremendous fun, especially since the class was held in a community college that was once an old mall.

Also, for those that know I live in San Antonio, you may have heard about my hometown getting its ass kicked by tornadoes on Sunday night. I can assure you that my folks and I are safe and sound, also the same can be said for the citizens as well. Despite the catastrophic damage, there are no reports of serious injuries or deaths. We are fortunate in that matter. Plus it helped a lot it was late at night on a Sunday and pretty much everyone was at home sleeping. I'll talk about my experience on that night in a separate entry.

Hope you are all doing well! It's good to be back. Until next time, stay cozy and stay beautiful!

P.S.: I wanna give a shout-out to my most-excellent friend and old B&N colleague Kristin who runs a minimalism/lifestyle blog The Mulberry Patch. She is a phenomenal writer and photographer, go check out her work here! You can follow her on Instagram as well.

A Pause... For Now

Ever since I wrote my last post back in December, about how to react to the Trump presidency (which seems to be getting to a new level of nightmarish as days pass...), I've been conspicuously absent from this blog since.

Honestly, I cannot even begin to put into words why I haven't posted since then. But I will say that a lot of things happened in that span of time that changed the trajectory of this year. A series of events that I am not ready to indulge just yet, but I assure they will be elaborate in their telling.

Until that time comes, the blog is coming to yet another pause.

This is not permanent, this is not goodbye.

Fight the Power: Plans to Piss Off a Kleptocracy

hey look everybody, it's my boyfriend! 

Okay, I promised a post that addresses what I'm gonna be doing from this point on regarding the waking nightmare that is the current state of US politics.

A horrible, inexperienced man is president-elect, a MASSIVE downgrade to the wonderfulness that is Obama, massive leaps backwards into the harsh and ugly parts of history. Trump is bringing in people that plan to dismantle civil rights for many marginalized peoples, destroy school systems, spreads white nationalist propaganda, have no regard for the environment, and overall simply doesn't give a f*** about anyone but themselves.

More than ever, we need to be kind to each other. Compassion should be the law of the land as everything goes to chaotic evil.

My plans are to talk more about my feelings and share what I find here and elsewhere. I feel it's my duty as an American citizen with social media and a blog to be a sounding board and a messenger. If you wish to avoid this posts, that is up to you. If you choose to no longer follow me because of this, or for my views, I understand that as well. I only ask you to go out and be kind.

I will continue to post about writing, my life, and whatever else. You'll just be seeing more politics is all.

I also plan on donating more often and even volunteering. I detail a little more below.

~~~

Donations or Volunteering:

I have donated all my birthday money (and soon, some of my Christmas monies) to six non-profits and charities (a seventh to follow...) that will need all the help they can get as they gear up to fight against a president and a cabinet full of horrid, hateful monsters.

If you work with a company that matches donations, take advantage of that as well! I know I will.

Here is a pretty damn good list.

If you want to know who I donated to, here ya goes:

Planned Parenthood of South Texas (I am researching on becoming a clinic escort)
ACLU of Texas (also now a proud member!)
NAACP
Stand with Standing Rock
Southern Poverty Law Center
Bitch Media (along with a renewed subscription to their most excellent magazine)

Posts and a Book to Read:

If you want to improve on your compassion, I highly recommend Karen Armstrong's beautiful book Twelve Steps to A Compassionate Life. I read it a long time ago and found it to be a balm. It has changed how I feel about the world and my interactions with any and all people.

Van Jones gives a realistic view on what happened and what we need to do moving forward.

Tananarive Due talks about why she wasn't active on social media and took to journaling to cope with the horror.

Chuck Wendig drives all the post-election feelings home here very well. In fact, you should read his entry before mine. It is definitely better.

It's interesting to note that this post will be almost a year old, but boy howdy, we are gonna need it more than ever now.

George Takei speaks from painful experience about why a Muslim registry is starting to sound too familiar...

This lovely post about what to do to take care of yourself after all this...

Rowdy Kittens shares some thoughts and some lovely pictures with inspiring quotes.

Susannah Conway tied together the sadness of the political atmosphere along with a sweet dedication to the late Leonard Cohen.

Videos:

John Oliver provides some laughs and outlines some more non-profits to support.


Commander Holly continues to be the human incarnation of sunshine by suggesting non-profits and other ways to be kind this holiday season.


LittleKuriboh eschews politics to get to one heart of the matter: self-care in times like these.

~~~

This is merely a primer of suggestions. There are many posts like this I'm sure, so I'm not saying anything newish. But I like to think it's just an addition to the voices. May my voice not be louder than those who said it better and have more to lose than myself.

I will be blunt and say that a Trump "presidency" is not gonna affect me greatly as a straight, cisgender white person. It will affect me as a woman, but not as much as say... a woman of color. And you know what? That disgusts me more than anything that I will be more okay than a great chunk of friends, colleagues, coworkers, neighbors, and complete strangers. I was raised to be considerate to everyone and not think I was better than anyone regardless of any identifying traits. 

That is why I am going to use my privilege for something good: do anything in my power to stop this madness from getting any worse than it already is. 

Who's with me?!

NaNoWriMo 2016: Dammit

 Well... uhm... okay look, this time it did not go as planned. I actually had a good start the first week or so. Kinda like last year, where I was thrown off by illness and the starting of my new job, but I was able to make a comeback that I was quite proud of.

Not this time, sadly.

basically me by month's end

First off, I will be blunt and say that Trump becoming the president-elect bummed me out something serious. I mean, what the hell do you do when you did as much as you could to make sure the asshole didn't get elected and he "won"? It turns out I wasn't the only one, there were a lot of writers I followed on Twitter that were depressed. Even Stephen King had to take a break from Twitter.

Then slowly but surely, more people I followed revealed they were upset about what happened. They were concerned for family and friends, angry at those who voted and/or were reacting by being horrible human beings (well, more so than usual), and wanting to do something good (I promise I'll address this more in an upcoming entry on what I'm thinking about doing...).

Tweets after the election were outpourings of love and awareness, even a few speaking to those who created art to get ready and be more empowered to create more than ever. In dark times such as these, art will flourish, speak for the voiceless, and bring us a measure of joy when we think there is none left. It was those tweets that got me to think of coming back to the projects and also to do NaNoWriMo every year until otherwise indicated (I was thinking of calling this time as my last).

While I did not return to the projects, I learned a valuable lesson: do not do multiple projects during NaNoWriMo. Just focus on one! I ran into a similar issue in 2014, but it didn't sink in until this time.

actual footage* of me trying to write later in the month...
*not actual footage

After somewhat recovering from post-election malaise, I got smacked with an awful, ass-kicking head and chest cold. It was a perfect storm of WTF that took up most of my last days as a twenty-something. The cold delayed my initial appointment to get my tattoo, which was on the 18th (it changed to the 22nd). On top of all that, I also got so wicked drunk that I was violently ill for most of the night (also learned watching Interstellar drunk is not a good idea, despite that it was a fantastic movie). Needless to say that November was not a month in my favor.

But now empowered to keep creating, I vow to keep doing NaNoWriMo every year and to get back to my project (in this case, Dolls) next month so it can be done by New Year's Eve. Despite the setbacks (aw, that's cute, "setbacks" is being nice...), I did get over 15K on Dolls and it's getting close to being finished. So not all was lost nor underachieved.

Bottom line is that whenever craziness throws lemons at you, make lemonade and not invite craziness to your awesome lemonade brunch 'cause it can go f*** itself.

OMG I'M 30 AAAAAHH

me in five years, just you wait...

So on Saturday, I turned that fated age of 30, marking three decades of living behind me... one decade closer to being a "middle-aged adult". As I sit here in my abode, listening to Norah Jones's new album, watching Commander Holly's videos, and babying my tattoo... I can say with absolute certainty I am happy to be finally here.

My twenties were... really rough (and that's being nice). The last year of it or so were better, but I dealt with eight+ years of bull-crap, too much for me to want to stay in that decade for much longer than needed. So it was a huge sigh of relief to get to this point. I am beyond fortunate to have survived the toughest decade of my life to get here. From here on out, I declare my thirties to be the most awesome ever.

I celebrate even in these dark times of uncertainty, fear, and downright surrealism we as Americans face now and will continue to until... the cows comes home? Man, I don't know. (More on my thoughts about this going forward in a future entry...)

For those who had a birthday Saturday, happy birthday fellow Sagittarians! For the ones already here, we're in for the long haul, let's get to it. For the newcomers, welcome to Spaceship Earth! We need you more than ever.

*just remembered that Steve Buscemi is also a Sagittarian... O_O*

Surprise Big Thing!

Hey people, it's been a while, so glad to be back here on the blog! As I mentioned in a past entry, I had some big things happening this month. Well, here is the surprise one:

I got a tattoo!

I Am Not Proud to Be an American

A long time ago, when I was a wee lass, my mother told me that my great-grandfather on her side was a member of the KKK. Needless to say, I was horrified on learning this. After the shock wore off, I made a vow that I would do everything in my power to undo as much damage as he had done when he was alive.

Today, with the election results, this feels more relevant than ever. I'm writing this, cringing for the impact of what will be an unmitigated disaster for this nation.

I feel like how I did when I found out that I am a descendant of the KKK: ashamed. Yet responsible. No, I did not elect for that asshole. Yet it was my race and the privilege that comes with it that did it.

I want to apologize, but I feel the words will hurt more. A bandage on a broken soul.

Instead, I will do more than apologize. I will vow not only to undo as much of the damage that this will wrought, but I will stand at the front lines with all those that will fight.

Fuck you if you voted for Trump. You are responsible for this and you will clean up this mess once the damage has been done.

For those who fight and will continue to, I love you from the bottom of my heart and without condition. I am on your side. Count me in.

This got too personal. This has gone on far too long.

And you don't want to fuck with me. I am part Irish. I am a liberal stuck in a red state. I am also a writer armed with words. Just sayin'...

NaNoWriMo 2016: Whoops, Meant to Tell Y'all This

Yeah sorry for the radio silence. Again, it is all because of work. But I am happy to let y'all know that some BIG stuff is set to happen this month! One I'll keep as a surprise, the other I'll reveal now:

I'm doing NaNoWriMo again!

But instead of a brand-spankin'-new project, I am working on finishing not one but TWO unfinished WIPs. One is last year's NaNo winner and the other is our good friend Dolls (who yes, still remains unfinished... until now!). Right now I am over the estimated word count for Dolls (100K), but I still need to add some scenes, so I'm going into overtime.

Once that gets finished, I'll begin on Thing and continue on until it's all over (or November finishes out, whichever happens first).

I'll get back to regular updates. Until then, enjoy one of my favorite episodes of Ross's Game Dungeon:

Update #4: Grad School Future

(Note: I got a couple more of these updates, then I'll start talking about other stuff! So if you ain't digging these posts, just wait a little longer.)

Okay, so I went into detail how I took the GRE, applied for the Michener Center twice, and got rejected both times. After all that, I decided I put it aside and do other things, like look for a job that actually pays a living wage and move out of my parents' house. And here we are, over two years after I wrote about the last time I applied. Have things changed? Yep!

For one, I read this book. I remember it being a big thing when it came out. I wanted to check it out since I was still thinking about grad school and if I needed it to be a writer. That book helped me realize that it wasn't worth it and perhaps I am fine winging it.

I thought about applying for grad school again. And yes, for the same damn MFA in Creative Writing. But then I remembered I had a copy of this book and decided to read that first. Doing so did squash that obsession.

And one last reminder, my new all-time favorite writer actually DROPPED out of grad school and continued to do her own thing. That's right, you heard me. She freaking left and soon proved she didn't need it. If I ever get the itch again, all I have to do is think "If Helen Oyeyemi* didn't need it, maybe I don't need it either".

But now something else came up. Another idea for grad school dreams: perhaps a degree in a different field, like a Master's in Library Science. It was amplified when I found out a while back that my friend was thinking of getting this degree and signed up for the upcoming semester for an online program. Keep in mind she has an eight-month-old kid and a full-time job. I don't know how she does it. I'm lucky I catch up with my daily writing quota and I'm single!

After a while of thinking about it, and even doing some research on programs, I came to a hard yet necessary decision: no, I do not need grad school. Do I even want it? Actually, not really on that either. I wanted to put my concentration on doing good at my job (which is going very well actually), saving up for a new car, finding a new apartment to move into next year, and above all: build my writing muscle and launch that career.

Grad school would prove to be a distraction. I can easily work at a job like a customer service call center and do all the writing on the side. I thank my current job for showing that it was possible. Since I'm not fretting over losing it (like the bank job) and am doing well at it, I can focus on my writing.

Nothing wrong with anyone wanting to go to grad school. In fact, I'm stoked for my friend and wish her nothing but the best in her journey. It was important for me to know when some things are a good fit and when some are not.

Many of my friends are having children. I never want to have kids, I rather have puppies and kittens.
Some of my friends are English teachers. I am fine working in customer service.
Some are going to grad school. I am very content with my Bachelor's and learning outside school.

And that, my friends, is what life is all about: finding your path and sticking to it.

***

*If you haven't read her short story collection What Is Not Yours Is Not Yours, please remedy this and GET IT.

Update #3: One Hell of a Work Week

As y'all know, I work for a call center for a major healthcare company. To go into further detail, I specialize in the dental benefits. I thank this job for several things, like a further awareness for the health of my mouth and also the tragedy that is little kids getting root canals.  So obviously, I take calls. Quite a few in fact! I speak to a variety of people from rushed providers' offices to disgruntled members to chipper third-party agents. But lemme tell you about the week where I took maybe only twenty calls overall. Why? Read on below!

Update #2: Writing

When it comes to writing, from this here blog to fiction projects, I had a terrible habit of writing something every day. I mean, you see it on here, right? It seems like I hardly post on here anymore. No schedule, nothing!

Well, I'm happy to say that I finally got a habit going. It all started last month.

Update #1: Health Issues

Since mid-June, I documented on here my issues with heart palpitations. I didn't know what was going on or what was causing them, so I went to my general doctor around early July to have her check it out. From there, we go into a saga. Let's begin from there, shall we?

Okay Seriously, I’m Back This Time

Wow, okay. So that didn’t work what I was planning back in July. I had some things happen, as you could tell from previous entries. They ranged from personal to health to even writing. Well I’m back, a few months wiser, with some updates. Instead of doing it all on one post, like I used to, instead I’ll be breaking it up into separate posts for easier reading and better focus on each topic at hand.

I thought about calling it a day with the blog, but I feel there is life in it yet. Instead of writing everything on here, I’ll reserve it to a set of topics (TBD). Until then, you’ll see some experimentation on here. But other than that, I am back.

This time, for good. 

Sunday Update (With Some Extra Rambly Bits)

I just came back from visiting with my folks and trying to get Pokemon Go to work on my phone. I've been trying on and off for the last several days, then giving up and playing Neko Atsume instead. It is possible that my phone is too old. (For those keeping score, it's an iPhone 4S that I got in 2012)

One major update: my health situation has improved. No more heart palpitations! It seems that the cause was low iron, since taking a new multivitamin and eating more iron-rich foods alleviated it. I am still planning on going to the cardiologist to be extra sure, but it seems whatever was ailing me healed up, thank goodness!

I also lost three pounds, my first significant loss in a few months. I credit the eating of salads twice a week and now exercising on the weekends to this happy change. I'm down to 183, so I have about 30 more to go.

I also read John Steinbeck for the first time: The Pearl and Of Mice and Men. Not gonna lie, I legit teared up at their endings. And now I eagerly await my BookPeople order of his journals, The Grapes of Wrath, and a collection of his short novels. Needless to say, he gained a fan in me. Would've dug reading those if I was in high school.

***

So yeah, Pokemon Go. My sister (being the dedicated fan since... the whole thing began for us Americans) already has a Flareon guarding a spot (which is at her job). It's fricking brilliant, this game. Pokemon has an intriguing habit of being a catalyst for change. I can't wait to see what this game will do for us as a population obsessed with our smartphones.

And also, I have made a pretty big decision: I am going to vote for Hillary. I am not in the least bit thrilled, but I cannot to let Trump win. The whole #Brexit catastrophe has catapulted me to this decision, I will admit. I also changed my mind on Jill Stein due to some disgusting things she'd said about folks with autism. As for Bernie... it's pretty apparent he is not wanting to be President, more satisfied with invoking change as a Senator and working within the DNC. So feel free to call me a hypocrite, I will only shrug and go "well, cool story bro" and move onto supporting down-ticket Democrats and Independents and turning Texas blue.

***

That's about it for me for now. Here's to timely updates, healthy hearts, and working smartphone games!

Some Good Things: A List of Happiness

• I preordered a vinyl copy of Nite Jewel's new album and it initially came warped (thanks USPS, ya jerks), but the company (and possibly Nite Jewel herself) apologized and offered to send me a new one. I just got my second copy and it was autographed (my first was, but I wasn't expecting the second copy to be)! 

• My recent health issues (see last entry) have pushed me to eat better and get right into exercising. I also am planning to see a cardiologist to double-check some things. (Exactly what is going on will be detailed in due time. I want to wait for things to pass before I talk about it in full)

• My new supervisor is awesome! He has been caught up to speed on my health issues and also is going to help me (and many of my colleagues) look into other career opportunities. I'm thinking of either working for scheduling or Quality Assurance. 

• The case/lang/veirs album is absolutely f***ing magic. I cannot wait to see them in August!

• Lazy Game Reviews (LGR) did a hour-long video of just him building a computer and it's so much fun to watch. 

• Natalie Goldberg's latest book reminds me of two things: writing is awesome and I really need to get into meditation. 

• Meg Turney, one of my two girl-crushes*, has her own Patreon and Twitch accounts now. I may sign up to be a donor soon. And also for LGR, PushingUpRoses, and Brad Jones (The Cinema Snob). 

• Shura and Bat for Lashes' new albums are out! And I'm still waiting on my preorders. UGH.

*Yeah, what of it? (The second girl-crush is Rosario Dawson, BTW)

A Quick Update on My Health

I didn't make mention of it in my previous update, but I've been having a weird health issue for the last couple of weeks: heart palpitations. While that is the worst of it so far (no dizziness nor shortness of breath), I am not sitting on it for much longer. I have a doctor's appointment this Friday to double-check on it.

I do want to mention that it has gotten much better, but still I have it. I have cut out sugary drinks (mainly sodas), found out I was wearing a bra many sizes too small (and could've been the cause of everything all along) and have since switched to a more comfy bra, and even got a massage that worked out a previous left shoulder injury that was causing a pinched nerve.

I just want to rule out anything far more serious, but I feel that I found the cause (really tight bra) and it's a matter of a slow healing. After all, the damage didn't occur overnight.

I feel it's nothing more serious than what I discussed and it doesn't hurt to check with the good doctor.

I will update as I learn more.

I Swear to Gone, I'm Not God!

Sorry for the lack of posts. I didn't really set this up properly. I wanted to do a posting on ever Wednesday and Saturday, but I haven't established that habit yet. It is a work in progress.

Here is what's been going down since I last wrote:

• Despite the raise in rent, I am going to stay for one more year at the abode. I plan to negotiate something, but it's not gonna make me leave if I don't succeed.

• Turns out I am not going to get a bonus for May. Dammit. And to make it better, not for this last month either! UGH

• My credit cards' balances are going back up, so I need to put a stop to that. 

• My weight-loss journey has slowed to a crawl. I need to do something to get back on track. Exercise maybe? (Yes)

• My reading habits have slowed down too and have been trying to play catch-up and finish my currently-reading list, along with any library borrows. 

Yeah, this is not exactly the happiest of entries, but it is what it is. Who knows where I could be this time next month. There is only one way to find out...

A Note on Recent Political Events

Since it's looking VERY likely that Hillary will be the Dem nominee and there has been a push for Bernie supporters to join her side and defeat Trump in the general election, I feel the need to make something very clear.

While I am not a Bernie or Bust gal, I am definitely not voting for Hillary.

I have stated in my FAQ why I have no intention of voting for her. I do not like a lot of her policies; the only one I honestly feel aligned with is anything regarding women's rights and sadly, that is not enough.

I’m sure some will feel compelled to "scare" me into voting for Hillary so we don't get a President Trump. First off, Hillary is doing fine without my vote, so she'll do without mine in the GE. Second, throwing the privilege card in my face may not work. I am aware of (and working so hard against) the catastrophic  heaviness of what a Trump presidency could do for everyone. Also, I would be impacted since I am a woman, a young person, and certainly not wealthy nor middle-class.

Hillary has done nothing to earn my vote. Her track record in the Middle East, here in the States, her history of overshadowing the voices and efforts of many activists of color (especially with those involved with #BlackLivesMatter), and also her hawkish tendencies are some of the many things that deeply bother me.

Yes, it is historical that we have a female presidential nominee. Yes, I hope more young girls are inspired to run for office. I just feel that we're having to take what we can get and be grateful for it (or else).

Or, in other words... Death Cab for Cutie said it best: "bah-baaaah, bah-baaaah, this is the sound of settling..."

Yet, this doesn't mean I am not voting come November 8th. I am still voting in local elections. As for the presidential pick, it will be either Jill Stein or a write-in for Bernie.

It hurts that Bernie didn't win, but it hurts even more that we're settling for someone that I believe is mediocre and won't do 3/4 of what she's promising on the campaign trail. And the droning of "accept it or else".

~~

One more thing before I go: I would love to be wrong about Hillary. That once she gets elected, she just blows us all out of the water with her progressive politics; she gets us out of the Middle East, champions for women's health, breaks up Wall Street, and does something amazing to stop all the police brutality.

But her track record says otherwise.

Then again, I tend to give people a chance.

~~

Due to the possibility of all sides clashing, I will do something rare here and close comments on this post.

It's Alive!!

Oh my word, I vanished for a long time and left this poor blog out in the middle of the Internet to fend for itself. But just when you think it's for good, I mosey on over and post once again.