Good Handwriting Is Hard to Find (Or: My Handwriting Ain't That Bad)

I have a weird hang-up about my handwriting. Back in grade school (I think it was third grade), after visiting the school library, the librarian pulled me aside just to tell me one thing: that my handwriting was terrible. Wow, what a nice, encouraging thing to say to a kid, right? No "improve your handwriting, dear" or "slow down on your writing", but a flat-out "it's awful and you should be very ashamed".

Needless to say, this librarian was known for being terrible anyway. If she had a kind bone in her body, it must've broke and never fully healed. Thinking back, I'm astounded that she was hired to be around children.

It has taken me years to get over this hang-up. You may be thinking "wow, loser, you're still hung-up on what a school librarian told you when you were a kid?" Uhm, yeah, jerkface. Yeah. Sorry that I don't have the flawless coping skills you possess. We can't be all like you.

Ahem, aside that, yes it's been a long journey to accept my handwriting. Now that I look at it, both cursive and print, I realize that it ain't that bad. It's not as neat and orderly as my father's (which I tried to emulate, being the daddy's girl I am), or looping and on-the-line as my mother's, but wow... it's like I am my own person or something.

I've come to love my semi-legible handwriting. It is a part of me, one that is hurrying to get everything down. Could I slow down? Oh yeah, but then my arm cramps from being held back. So it's a balance.

Attached: evidence of my handwriting.

I would post other samples, but they are of WIPs and journal entries... so yeah, just have the above instead.

Other news I've been sitting on...

 and also forgot to bring up as well!

• About two weeks before I got the "yes" from my now-current job, my sister also got a "yes" from a new employer as well! I won't go into super detail about exactly what it is, but it's pretty much her dream job! It does require her to live in another city, so she's no longer close by. And with her and my schedules being different, we just text and play the occasional Minecraft to catch up. I miss her, but I'm also so happy for her.

• My parents are going to sell the home next year, around springtime. So yeah, goodbye to my childhood home. The very home I've lived in since the day after I was born up until mid-September. Word is that a one of our neighbors' children may buy it so they can be close to family. I hope so, I rather have someone I know and trust live in my old home. It's weird, I don't think of it as mine anymore, yet I don't want just anyone to have it. 

So that's pretty much it. It's big stuff, very big. 2015 was a great year for my family and I. At this rate, 2016 is set to be just as awesome!

Thoughts on Life Is Strange

**I'll say it once and say it again, there be spoilers. Be wary!**

A while back, I played a video game called Life Is Strange, which was known for having mature themes (ooh boy, no kidding there) and being episodic (which is cool, glad this is becoming a thing). I watched Dodger's Let's Play of it up to the final episode and knew I had to play it for myself. I even went as far as not watching Dodger play the last episode so I can be surprised. Not too often do I watch a Let's Play and want to play the game even when I saw most of it already in action.

So when it came my turn to sit down and play it... boy howdy, this game is a soul-puncher. I mean, on the surface, ti shouldn't be, but damn. I know, some would look at the summary and lose interest fast. I mean, a teenage protagonist? Whatever, plenty of shows like that out already. What would make this game any different? Well, I guess not that much. I ain't going to pretend this game is treading new ground here, but its presentation and takes to the tropes are what stick with me.

SPOILERS AHEAD

NaNoWriMo 2015: I Didn't Think I Would Make It...

Hey, uh... wow, I just decided not to post a damn thing at all? Not even on my 29th birthday, which was three days ago. Wow, me. Way to go.

Well, I ran into a HUGE road bump about Week 2 of writing my novel. I was feeling really off, like I was coming down with something. I know that I ended my tenure with the banking call center, but there was something else. Yep, it was mold allergies. I was knocked flat off my feet for a while. I lost my drive for a long while.

Around the first week of my new job, between any moment I could, I started to write more scenes. My hand cramped so bad after those intense sessions. I wrote about an average of a thousand words per notebook session.

After that, I got a fire lit under me when my mother told me that she knew that I could come from behind and finish in time. Driven by that, plus that feeling of "I can't fail this, I got so far", I decided to go full steam ahead.

So yeah, I finally pulled a comeback that would make LL Cool J want to write a song about it. But none of my mom telling me to knock a man out.

So here's to finishing what I started and here's to a revision/continuation* for that project!

*the novel is not finished, but I chose to stop at 50K+ so I can put it aside and finish some other projects, while I have this fire going.

NaNoWriMo 2015: Off to a Rousing Start

Well, NaNoWriMo kicked off yesterday and I was gone from the starting line like a bullet from a gun. I managed to write over 3K of words to begin my new tale just on my first day. Today I managed just as much and I actually want to write more! So I may get some more words in before the day is fully done. I know once I get into my final week at Chase that it's gonna be a little bit challenging (I may just go for the default amount of 1,667 words a session on my working days). 

Otherwise, things are going very well. And if I play my cards right, later this week I should finally have an Xbox One. Dunno if working on NaNoWriMo at the same time that Rise of the Tomb Raider and Fallout 4 come out, but that's a risk I have to take. 

Until then, peace out, beautiful people.

Well, guess freakin' what?

I changed my mind AGAIN about the NaNoWriMo project. Instead of finishing Dolls and City, I'm going back to the original story, but with a twist...

It's no longer a Silent Hill fan fiction. During the dead time between calls at work, I managed to turn it into an original story. And I like it a million times better.

Tom the Cat: representing my writing emotes since... now

I had a feeling this would happen again. Dammit, it's 2012 again. Well, almost, but whatever.

~~

BTW, the soundtrack to the fan fiction applies to this one. For those with a goldfish memory like myself, here it is again:

(edited on 12-30-15 due to fluctuations in the playlist as I worked on the project)

1. "It’s Gonna Be Easy Now" by Dan Seals
2. "The Last One to Know" by Reba McEntire
3. "Holding On for Life" by Broken Bells
4. "Silhouette" by PHASES
5. "Girl, You Have No Faith in Medicine" by The White Stripes
6. "Worlds in Collision" by Jerry Harrison
7. "Leave A Trace" by CHVRCHES
8. "Half Life" by Twin Shadow
9. "The Waiting" by Akira Yamaoka (from the Silent Hill 3 Soundtrack)
10. "Compass" by Zola Jesus
11. "Helelyos" by SEXWITCH
12. "Poison Tree" by Beth Orton
13. "Carrion Flowers" by Chelsea Wolfe
14. "Lord Knows" by Dum Dum Girls
15. "Surround Sound" by Empire for the Sun
16. "Immortals" by Marnie Stern
17. "I’m A Ruin" by Marina & the Diamonds
18. "Mt. Washington" by Local Natives (damn you, Life Is Strange!)
19. "Salvation" by Editors
20. "I Will Follow" by U2 (damn you, Rock Band 4!)
21. "Bella Donna" by Stevie Nicks

(I love it when current songs sneak their way into a project's soundtrack)

Change of Plans: the NaNoWriMo Edition

Okay, I originally planned on doing a fan fiction of Silent Hill, but after trying to plan it out, I felt my mind go towards two different projects that I want to finish by year's end.

So after doing the Ben Franklin method (as my mom calls it), listing the pros and cons of doing the new project or finishing the other two as part of NaNo this year, it was an easy decision to make. So yes, I'll be finishing Dolls (I talked about it on and off here) and then the sequel to Blues, known already on here as City.

I'm a little bummed about not doing the initial idea, but things happen and I must follow where my heart is at this time. And right now, it wants me to finish these two projects.

It is what it is. *Kanye shrug*

Whoops...

I said sometime this year that my goal was to create 50 new posts for 2015, but I really meant for that to be 40. Yeah, I know, ten less, whoop-dee-doo.

But there it is, 40 new posts for 2015 on here. And so far...

*checks number*

26 down, 14 to go.

If I get there quickly, I'll do 10 more.

Okay, I'm gone now. Bye.

A Big Announcement!

After sitting on this for a while, had to make sure it was all set in stone-like material, I'm ready to announce something wonderful...

Building A Thick Skin: How to Handle Criticism Like An Effing Adult

So I received my first piece of criticism regarding my writing in a long while. I was checking some poems I posted on an online magazine some time ago (it was for a letter I was writing) and there was a comment that was posted recently. Naturally, as a writer would, I read it. At first, I thought it was funny. Then I read it again. It finally stung me.

I called my mother to read it aloud to her, but the reaction from her was not expected. She didn't laugh along with me, but said "it sounds like someone's opinion".

She ended up totally right. Sure, I didn't completely agree with the commentor*, but I later came to respect this person for taking the time to write a response. My poetry elicited a reaction, which is better than complete silence (at least, in this case). In this age of the Internet, posting anything but praise or the so-called "correct opinion" has gotten people in some seriously dangerous places. And the way writers are acting about critics and how they sic their fan-bases on these folks... yeesh.

So the comment did two things: it humbled me and also made me analyze my relationship with poetry.

I'll be honest, I was worried that perhaps, the comment had a point about my poetry. Maybe it wasn't really good, maybe I really don't know how to write them. But I took a step back and recalled some of my favorite poets: Frost, Nye, Plath, Whitman, Brooks, Alexie, and Hughes. Each of them wrote poems in their own way, so what if mine didn't fit the ideas that the commentor had? Perhaps the commentor is used to radically different ideas of poetry; thus, who the hell am I to tell them they're wrong?

No, I did not reply to the comment on the page. It is best left alone and best I do not get involved that way. The writing speaks for itself, it doesn't need my "defense", they're big kids.

So thank you, random person who posted a comment on my poems. Thank you for your words and your time. As a writer getting into the publishing realm, I bow to you, the reader, in humility and gratitude.

*I don't think this is a word, but whatever. *Kanye shrug*

Alright, alright, cooking with gas now...

So in my search for new employment, I got some promising leads: customer service positions at two insurance companies (a medical one and an auto/home one). I booked some phone interviews for the same day because I'm awesome (see: limited on time). I may need to nap later that day, but we'll see.

So far, the overtime is going well. I think I may put in some more next week, but I'll see how this week goes before I commit to that.

~~

Update: I have decided to take a small break from doing overtime since it all caught up with me by Friday night.

Also, things are actually going pretty well in the new department. So, now I am not so sure about leaving the bank just yet. So I'll have to give it some more thought, but man... I think the money may be the biggest temptation.  

Hello silence, my old friend...

Hey everyone, sorry for the long quiet on my end on this here blog! As y'all know, I recently moved to a new apartment and was getting set up there, along with all the stuff about my job going on as well.

Believe it or not, I intended to post something shortly after getting settled, but I had Internet troubles. I didn't have a tech come out until last Thursday to get it fixed, due to job stuff and even a doctor's appointment. But thank God for the tech that came by, he fixed it and it didn't cost me a dime! Hot dog!

It's been over a week since I moved into the abode and I love it. I have some semblance of a routine, but still fine-tuning it. There are some things I still want to get for the abode before I can safely call it "fully-furnished" (mainly a desk chair), otherwise I am all set.

As for the job, well... it's still there. I did sign up for some overtime, so I'll be very absent for the rest of the week since I'll be too f***ing tired when I get back for the next three nights. But I want to see if I can do it. And then, if another job opportunity comes up, I can make like the Steve Miller song when I get the "yeah, come on over!"

At this rate, it'll be a lucky day if I get to the 50 posts I was planning to do to finish out the year. I have some other posts planned, but we'll have to see if I even get to do that. So first, lemme survive this week and I'll get back to you.

After all that happened

regarding my job, this song hit a little too close to home:

And here we go!

So I got the keys to my new apartment and all the moving kicks off tomorrow morning as my family (sans me, 'cause my job didn't let me get the day off) start moving my stuff in. I'll pitch in throughout the week and finally help out on Saturday. And I'll spend my three-day weekend setting up everything.

This song has been looping through my mind as I prep for the week ahead:

Well, it was nice while it lasted.

Without going into too explicit of detail...

turns out that my team and I are getting moved back to collecting on credit cards, but slightly different from what we were initially hired to do. And no, I can't stay where I'm at right now even if I wanted to.

So, all that stuff I talked about? Not gonna happen. Well, except we get to keep our Saturday hours.

So yeah...

*sigh*

It's job-hunting time again.

Thoughts on Moving Out

So it's over a week until I get the keys to my own apartment and get all my stuffs moved out. But man, seeing all the things I have accumulated over the years has got me to thinking about how I feel about it all.

In all honesty, I'm not entirely sure what to feel. I want to feel proud for having a decent-sized personal library and a beautiful record collection, but at the same time, I'm like "so this is where most of my money went to". If anything, it's definitely humbling. And I do hope by getting my own space that I change my relationship to all my things. See what blesses me, get rid of what doesn't.

Other thoughts include (I choose you... Bullet List! *throws out Pokeball*):

• Whoa, since I'll be on the third floor, I'm gonna have some sexy legs!
• Oh dang, don't I have a few preorders left? *checks list* Yup, I do.
• I'll still have to worry about making noise, since I'll have neighbors VERY close by.
• Thanks to my dad and eBay, I now have my own sweet audio system!
• I have over twenty boxes full of books alone. OMG. 
• I won't have the Internet on at the abode* right away. I may need to change that. 
• Got some blessing candles by Crystal Journeys: Housewarming and Protection! I'll also have my mom pray in the space as well before I get settled in.
• I better have a kitchen island. *glares at apartment complex*
• Places I'll live nearby: two 7-11's, two major freeways, several other apartment complexes, a movie theater, and a Starbucks. 
• Despite moving closer to a major freeway, my commute to work is shaved down by five-seven minutes. Good thing I don't give a f***. 

*In the spirit of bloggers naming people or things with funny titles, I will refer to my new apartment as "the abode" until further notice.

50 Favorites

As y'all know, or, don't (but you know now), my goal is to get to 50 posts. It makes sense then that I want to list 50 random favorite things. So... enjoy?

NaNoWriMo Plans!

Alrighty, since it's getting close to that time of the year (besides the release of many Oktoberfest beers), it's time to announce what I'm planning to do this NaNoWriMo.

I have decided, since I attempted this last time, but I then wrote something else (OMG Spiders)... my next project will be something fun: a Silent Hill fan fiction. Right now, it's titled Silent Hill: Secret History (a “tribute” to one of my favorite novels). It's actually an idea I had for a while going with themes I normally work with, but in a Silent Hill setting.

Okay, okay... it's an idea for a game for the series that I hope one day I'll become respected enough to give it to Konami. (Yeah, I wish. Pffff.)

Either way, as it gets closer, this could change, but I really feel it. I want something super-fun and silly. So a fan fiction for one of my all-time favorite video games. *shrug*

And now... since I had nothing better to do a while back, here is the playlist/soundtrack I created for it (that's always half the fun: creating a soundtrack for a project):

"It’s Gonna Be Easy Now" by Dan Seals

"The Last One to Know" by Reba McEntire

"Holding On for Life" by Broken Bells

"Girl, You Have No Faith in Medicine" by The White Stripes

"Worlds in Collision" by Jerry Harrison*

"Looking At the Invisible Man" by The Dead Weather
"Leave A Trace" by CHVRCHES

"Half Life" by Twin Shadow

"The Waiting" by Akira Yamaoka

"Compass" by Zola Jesus*

"Catch" by Allie X

"Helelyos" by SEXWITCH

"Poison Tree" by Beth Orton

"Carrion Flowers" by Chelsea Wolfe (hells yeah!)

"Lord Knows" by Dum Dum Girls

"When She Comes" by EMA

"Surround Sound" by Empire for the Sun

"Immortals" by Marnie Stern"

"Am I Real?" by Nite Jewel

"The Day of Night" by Akira Yamaoka

"I’m A Ruin" by Marina & the Diamonds

*I’m torn between “Worlds in Collision” or “Compass” being be the official song. 

My Hometown: A Revealing

Well, it is big for me, really. I talked about being from Texas and currently living there. I haven't hinted very much on where exactly I live at this moment, but after thinking about it... I do feel that it is now time to say what is my hometown (and birth town!).

In all honesty, if you were weird and tried to find it through all the stuff I revealed on here (e.g. my job), you already found out. But for those that didn't do that, here it is...

Guess what?

I'm on Instagram! I had it for a little while now, but I keep forgetting to post the link on here. You do need to become a follower in order to see my pics, but that's not a ploy to get followers (it's more to make sure not just anyone can follow me, ala Twitter).

I'm participating in Susannah Conway's August Break again, but it will all be on Instagram instead on here this time. 'Cause posting pics on Blogger is a nightmare OMG.

~~ 

By the way, yes I did name myself after a song from Jerry Harrison's first solo album.

MAJOR LIFE NEWS

First off, before I announce the news, I want to say that I'm so sorry for such a long silence on this blog. Training and the job are mainly the reason here, but I have since got comfortable with the new-ish schedule.

And now... the big news. (apologies in advance for the shouting)

Thoughts on "Corner of the Sky" by Cut Copy

When the band thanked Talking Heads in the liner notes of the most-excellent Zonoscope, I thought it was more of a "shout-out to my fav band" thing more than an actual hint of influence. I mean, there was no thanks to Fleetwood Mac and "Take Me Over" sounds straight from Tango in the Night*. But I digress. I'm not here to argue about that. So the thanks was more than just a shout-out, it was to answer yes to the following question: "Hey you guys, is it me or does 'Corner of the Sky' sound like a lost Talking Heads song?"

I mean, seriously... it does. Haven't you listened to it? Here, I'll give you some time.



Still not sure? Well, take the time to listen to the entirety of Remain in Light. I'll wait.

...

You back? Cool beans, continuing forward!

So yeah, it does right? I mean, the guitar effects! Bang-on impression of Adrian Belew's signature "elephant"! As for the lyrics, they make no sense, so yeah, totes David Byrne**. The keyboards? Sounds like Bernie Worrell and Jerry Harrison were having an epic synth fight (I'll pay good money to see that in person). And the all-male harmonies! Some Brian Eno emulation (who comes across vaguely baritone-ish, to me at least) whenever he sang backup, like in "Once in A Lifetime". The drums are pretty damn whomp-whomp, which is kinda Chris Frantz's thing. And yeah, the bass is straightforward Tina Weymouth, keeping the whole thing together.

The ending? Yeah, I see what you did there: throwing me off with a slight hint to My Life in the Bush of Ghosts and "Drugs" (oddly enough) with usage of "found sound".

And strangely enough, the song's atmosphere sounds like "The Overload" meets "The Great Curve". Weird, no one asked for the two to mate and have a child, but thank God they did...?

Overall, this song is made of pure amazing with a bonus side of "there is a God and He's slowly blessing the music industry".

~~

*Also, Dan Whitford (lead singer/keyboardist) has gone on record (hur-hur) to say that Tusk, well mainly Lindsey Buckingham's songs, were HUGE influences throughout.

**Okay, he has no monopoly on that, but whatever.

~~

And also props to my second all-time favorite album cover (this being my first).

This post was fueled by the music of Cut Copy, a sense of accomplishment, and Dan's utter cuteness.

BIG JOB NEWS

As y'all know, I work for a major bank's call center in collections for credit cards. Due to business needs (i.e. having the ideal schedule), my team and I are being moved from credit card collections to collecting on overdraft bank accounts. This means several things:

• a possible raise (actual amount TBA)
• new job title!
• new hours on Saturday, meaning I'll have an actual Saturday night.
• three weeks' worth of paid training starting later this month!
• new challenges and adventures

From what I understand, it's far simpler than what I do now, but more fast-paced since the calls are shorter (thank God). This opportunity was previously open to a limited amount of people in my department, but yeah... that changed quickly. Turns out it's a department that needs more people and it rather get already-trained peeps than wait to hire new ones. Can understand that, I suppose. 

I have two more weeks (counting this one) left in my old position. so I'm doing all that I can to end things there on the best note possible. I have come a long way, conquered a lot of roadblocks, and continue to improve my performance. By the time I join the new department, I'll be unstoppable and more awesome than before. 

 

~~

This post was brought to you by this summer's jam:

Unexpected Nostalgia Road Trip (or: My Dad's Plans to Save ALL THE BETA THINGS)

Unbeknownst to me, my dad was hunting for a Beta tape player on eBay for a while now. He found a used one but it wasn't working as well as the seller led him to believe. Thankfully, he was able to get a refund and purchase something even better: an unopened Betavision tape player. According to Dad, he said it's similar to the one we had back in the eighties and early nineties. Of course, his goal is to get home movies (yes, we actually have some. Shocking I know.) and some other recorded media converted to modern formats.

Of course, finding out he did this, naturally, I had to ask: can I watch the tape? There was one tape, full of live performances of the big country artists of 1985-1988 (shut up, this was a decent era). This Beta tape had Nanci Griffith (the perennial family favorite), the late Dan Seals, the Charlie Daniels Band, Randy Travis, some random band whose unknown name haunted me for YEARS, and Keith Whitley (apparently his "Miami, My Amy" was one of my favorite songs when I was a baby, well, besides the Troggs' "Wild Thing"). Some were from obscure shows (New Country) and even familiar ones that still air today (Austin City Limits).

As I write this, I'm watching the tape. Oh my God, all the nostalgia feels I'm having right now. I cannot even begin to put them into words. It's great. I thought I would never get to watch this tape again.

There was also one band whose songs I did like, but couldn't find for the life of me. Until watching this tape again, I finally figured it out. The band is Exile. Yes, the same band who made "Kiss You All Over" (which I loathe) but became a country-rock band in the eighties. Damn, that was a shock. I had one of the songs correct: "Fly on the Wall" (which was co-written by Bruce Hornsby AND Bernie Taupin!) but couldn't trace it from there. Apparently, that's a popular song title.

So, some new things I learned during this whole experience:

• It's scary how much of this I remember. From what follows what to which songs will play. Didn't I mention I watched this a lot? 
• Somewhere in this world, there are people with unopened Beta tape players. And one of those people did business with my dad.
• Dan Seals played left-handed, as did one of his band members. And his Texas accent just makes me grin like a doofus.
• Dan Seals played a mean sax.
• Lyle Lovett sang backup for the live performance of "Once in A Very Blue Moon". I never knew that he was there!
• The audiences for all these shows: they are either dead or damn... almost thirty years older than they were.
• Even with the limited monies they had back then, my parents were still badass enough to have the means to record things like this. 
• The commercials are effing lulzy. One was about some money-making scheme. Make that two. Now one about something called "The Great American Race". 
• People out of the mainstream loop didn't really dress all that awful. So, all that stuff about the eighties being a bad decade of fashion? That's focusing on the popular stuff, not what NORMAL HUMANS (who didn't give an eff) wore. 
• The only music video on here is the Randy Travis one for "Forever and Ever Amen". I wonder why that is the case.
• Whoa, TNN (The Nashville Network) doesn't exist anymore. I suddenly feel my age.
• I want Randy Travis to sing at my wedding.

An Anecdote

Setup: Mom and I are driving back from Austin after seeing Fleetwood Mac. We made a few stops, including BookPeople where I got a copy of Girl in A Band by Kim Gordon (bassist of Sonic Youth). Since I'm not feeling well, Mom is at the wheel while I'm reclined in the passenger seat. I pick up the book and start talking to Mom about it.

*conversation is not exact wording, just a heads-up*

Me: You know, she's a Taurus like you. See? *shows the cover and points to her shirt*

Mom: (after glancing at it) Oh yeah, she is! Yea, Taurans!

(Getting a hunch, I look up Kim Gordon on Wikipedia)

Me: What do ya know? She's only a week older than you! [Gordon was born on April 28th, while Mom was born on May 7th]

Mom: Huh!

Me: Her husband is the leader of the band. They just divorced recently because he was cheating on her.

Mom: Well, I know that feeling. [Mom was previously married to a police officer/part-time musician before she met my father.]

(I decide to read part of the first chapter about the announcement of Gordon and Thurston Moore's split.)

Me: Huh, you two have a lot in common: Taurans who were married to cheating musicians.

~~

And that's how I found out Kim Gordon and my mother would have a lot to talk about, if they ever were to meet.

My New Favorite Songs

Thanks to this list from Buzzfeed, I found some hidden gems and wanted to share three of my favorites that have already cracked my list of Best Tunes of 2015... So Far.

~~

I can only sum up my feelings in a .gif:

~~

I never fell harder for a song before. Shout-out to The Sims influence!

~~

Holy crap, I'm such a sucker for songs that sound like they came from my birth decade, but aren't (and also, good synths.)

~~

If these songs don't do anything for you, I'm sure that list has a few you might find more to your taste.

Let's jam out! *parties like a sober rock star*

P.S.: Other favorites from that list include:
"I'll Wait for You" by Iris
"Jump Hi (feat. Childish Gambino)" by Lion Babe
"Catch" by Allie X
"Ego" by Tove Styrke

500 Posts Later...

I'm surprised I made it this far too,
raptor of the skies.

I hate to say it, but after giving it some thought, I don't have much to say at this milestone. I look over to my previous posts and see that 2015 is setting to be a sparse year... if I don't get my ass in gear. So, this is me thinking aloud on what I'm going to do for the rest of 2015 and how to prevent myself from getting off-track.

As the previous entry detailed, I've been having some struggles with the (not really) new job. But thanks to an intrepid co-worker/friend, this is less of a concern. I am looking around for opportunities, at the company and elsewhere, just in case I need to consider a Plan B.

Financially... I'm back on track. I finally paid off all my debts and now I won't let my credit cards' balances go further than even $200, even less if I can help it. It is a huge relief to get that albatross off my neck.

Still need to set up something to keep track of my writing and reading goals so I can finish what I started and not begin too many things. Good Lord, I'm good at kicking things off, but not following them to the finish. I need to change that.

Otherwise, it's been pathetically boring elsewhere. Not that I will wait until something cool happens to post about it, or whatever. A schedule is a schedule. And I have ideas for future posts.

So, happy 500 posts to me.

Working Hard for What You Got

So, thanks to my dad crunching some numbers and helping me out with some expenses, I have a budget to follow. The biggest reason for this push to save money is well because... I want to move out by year's end. And also, my parents are gearing up to make a one-way trip to Arkansas, where they plan to retire and live out their remaining years. They want to get all that ready by next spring, so one of the big things that needs to happen is... me leaving. So yeah, I have a fire under my butt now.

I also got a fire under my butt concerning my job. My scorecard wasn't looking all that great (in fact, it's plain bad) despite that I have the customer service skills and I have a good handling of the material back from training. But it was hard for me to secure payments since I was getting too scared. And this fear could cost me all this if something wasn't done. But thanks to the kindness of a co-worker, I have gotten much better. In fact, we anticipate my scorecard being the best it's been next month. But honestly, I don't think I would've gotten even to where I am right now without my co-worker's help and generosity. So thank you, dear co-worker and friend*. (Fun fact: she was also struggling to get better and has now become our team's best performer. So not only did she come from a similar place, but decided to help out her team!) When I asked her what made her want to help me, along with helping a couple others, she said that she couldn't "stand to see people failing and nothing being done about it". Folks, this is what a great co-worker acts like.

So, more than ever, I am learning to work hard for everything I got. I have bills to pay, money to save up, and big decisions to make**. But I am beyond thankful that I have a supportive family and a team of co-workers that want to see me succeed so badly that they're stepping out to show me what got them to where they are.

So, thanks everybody! *all the hugs*

And yeah, reading Psycho-Cybernetics is helping quite a bit too.

~~

*No naming names, y'all. Unless I have permission, of course!
**mostly of the financial variety, thankfully!

~~

ETA: my next post is my 500th, OMG. Honestly, I don't have anything planned, but you never know what could happen. But, heads-up: it could go either way. Awesome thing or weekly update.

~~

And now... a random gif.:

Alrighty, here's the temporary plan...

I am going to post at least once a week on here until I either

a) get a better hold of my time, or

b) give up on the former and do the once-a-week thing

Either way, it makes me sad that I haven't updated on here, or really done much else after that.

My plan is to work on my time management so I can do all the things I love without sacrificing the important things (e.g. chores, making food, sleeping). Wish me luck, you guys.

~

And now, as John Cleese used to say... here's something completely different:

Frustrated Lady Writer Recommends:

Eclipse by Twin Shadow - Twin Shadow, now signed onto a big label (Warner Bros.), makes his major-label debut with a eighties-fused and emotional third album. Favorite tracks: "Turn Me Up", "To the Top", "Eclipse", "Half-Life", and "Old Love/New Love". Probably my favorite of his albums thus far, but Confess was really awesome.

Okay, just to show I'm still here...

I've gotten over the cold that smacked me most of the first week of March, thank God. In the meantime, I've been working at my job trying to improve my performance so I can see what else the place has to offer (I'll be at the six-month mark in April, so hopefully there could be some great things!).

I also finished a short story that, while I wanted to write it, am not sure what to do with it. It's about a young woman having a final showdown with a serial killer that had been stalking her for part of her life. I can already hear the criticism from people asking me why writing about something like this is necessary. Hell, my mom would probably ask the same question. I wonder if Joyce Carol Oates gets that question a lot. (My bet is yes. Yes she does,)

But you know what bugs me the most about the short story? I hate the title. It is made of concentrated "make 'em say ugh".

Fun fact: I wrote about 3K of this while waiting for calls at my job. Hell yeah.

Otherwise...

 that I actually got something done.

Now to give it a better name, edit it, and maybe publish it?  Okay, not sure on the last one.

Where the eff have I been? Well, sick for one.

After the Fleetwood Mac concert (and man alive, the experience alone is worth an entry, which is forthcoming, my lovelies...), I woke up the morning after with a wicked sore throat. Despite that, I took my mom to Waterloo Records, Bookpeople, LUSH, and Whole Foods (the flagship store). She enjoyed the little tour of all the places I love to visit in Austin. We drove home shortly after all that and I pretty much crashed into either bed or my recliner, where I've been since then.

The sore throat very quickly evolved into headaches, a fever, and congestion. Yea, a cold!

Because of the lethargy that hit me like a freight train, along with the rest of the carriage of this fever, I have taken three days off from work (thank God for sick time) so I can recover before going in tomorrow and Saturday. Yikes, hadn't been this sick in a long while. It seems to get me just as the winter season is ending.

So here I am, tempering this cold so I can work the weekend and then rest up more on my days off so I can conquer the rest of this month with fervor!

Isn't it sad that I feel odd about taking sick days when I need it? I feel like I should be at work, even if I can hardly hold my head up and snot is dripping out my nose. But I really don't think I would bring any game to the job, along with spreading the sickness (even though illnesses have been hitting everyone since December).

Even my father, who is usually hardened to this kinda thing, has been shaking off a stubborn flu for almost two weeks now.

So here is a reminder to my readers that I'm still here.

What? You want a title for this?

With the aid of Crystal Journey Candles (thanks to Motivation and Abundance) and nearly-endless glasses of water, I have been busy doing some writing. Well, transcribing.

It counts, shut up.

I've been diligently keeping a pocket Moleskine for over six months, and now a Rhodia notebook, to keep notes for my novel projects. And now, the Rhodia houses about 3K of a short story that I started on last week. Once combined with what I wrote on the computer, I got to about 6K. A few more details and I have a decent first draft.

Sadly, that is the only success story in this so far. The rest of the time I am screaming internally for getting myself into this mess. For now on, once I finish a notebook, I immediately fish for the good stuff and then set it aside.

So if y'all excuse me, I have more fishing to do.

*turns to see stack of Moleskines about five high*

Awww... dammit.

The Best of 2014: The Everything Edition

I know I said I will not do these anymore, and I still stand by that. However, I feel like I should go ahead and talk about the 2014 media experiences I loved. And thus, this will be the last one I’ll ever do on here. The end of an era! And thank Heavens, I was getting tired of this s***.

~~

VIDEO GAMES

Let's kick this off by giving a shout-out to one of the best games I've ever played, bar none, last year. While it wasn't a 2014 release, I want to give it a ton of love: The Cat Lady. It's a point-and-click adventure game that is nothing that you think it is. When I bought it during the Steam sale back in December last year, I was raring for a fun adventure with a cat-loving lady. But whoa, when I started the game up, I was in a complete shock. I finished it in less than two days, it was that engrossing. Not only did this game have a very intense and excellent story, but a solid cast of wonderful characters. It is also *one of the best representations of depression and suicide and how it affects a human being. I wanted to high-five the entire crew for doing such a touchy topic the justice it rightfully deserves. Not once is it romanticized, it's brought to earth and also very metaphorical.

(*I attempted to play Depression Quest long ago and felt it was inadequate in presenting the experience of having depression. However, what happened to the game's creator was pretty awful.)

~~

MOVIES

Okay, y'all know I rarely watch movies. But when I do, I gorge myself in film until I can barely move from my recliner. The only major release I saw last year of note was The LEGO Movie. No, no "awesome" jokes. It was a genuinely good movie that, next to Pacific Rim, is one I look forward to its sequel.

Other films of note:
A Band Called Death (y'all, this was awesome! Too bad they never got big, stupid record industry...)
Blood & Black Lace (I went on a giallo binge late last year and this was my favorite of the bunch)
Tiny: A Story About Living Small (watch to see one of my favorite people talk about her house!)
Jodorowsky’s Dune (oh, if only it was made! *shakes fist to sky*)

~~

TV SHOWS

The only one that matters in 2014: Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey. End of story. Next topic.

~~

BOOKS

Alrighty, we'll split by two lists: one for 2014 releases and the other is for older books.

Top 11 Books of 2014:

1. Bad Feminist: Essays by Roxane Gay
2. The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying by Marie Kondo
3. Nochita by Dia Felix
4. Green Girl by Kate Zambreno
5. The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte
6. Zen Pencils by Gavin Aung Than
7. Shoplifter by Michael Cho
8. The Big Tiny: A Built-It-Myself Memoir by Dee Williams
9. Promise Land by Jessica Lamb-Shapiro
10. MFA vs. NYC: The Two Cultures of American Fiction edited by Chad Harbach
11. Writing Wild by Tina Welling


Top 10 Books Not from 2014:

1. Thunder and Lightning by Natalie Goldberg
2. The Kick-Ass Writer by Chuck Wendig
3. Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames by Thich Nhat Hanh
4. Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness by William Styron
5. You Can Buy Happiness (and It’s Cheap) by Tammy Strobel
6. Hangsaman by Shirley Jackson
7. The Case for God by Karen Armstrong
8. Twilight of the Elites by Christopher Hayes
9. Women Food and God by Geneen Roth
10. Amsterdam by Russell Shorto

~~

MUSIC

To make this easier, here are my Top 12 Albums I Absolutely Loved and Want You to Buy:

1. (Tie) In Cold Blood by White Sea and Brill Bruisers by The New Pornographers
2. Taiga by Zola Jesus
3. Run River North by Run River North
4. Too True by Dum Dum Girls
5. Last War by Haley Bonar
6. The Future’s Void by EMA
7. St. Vincent by St. Vincent (hell yeah, get that Grammy, girlfriend!)
8. LP1 by FKA twigs
9. Nabuma Rubberband by Little Dragon
10. Comet, Come to Me by Meshell Ndegeocello
11. Cry is for the Flies by Le Butcherettes
12. Stay Gold by First Aid Kit

~~

So there ya go, two months late, but here it is. And that's the end of these kinda lists from this point out. It's been not fun, so that's why this is the last one. Now, onto other things I rather do instead!

Is This Really the First 2015 Post on Here? Good Lord.

It's been a long time since I last wrote on here. No end-of-the-year lists or anything else. To be honest, I was considering putting the blog on a hiatus or even shutting it down for good. The funny thing is, I am still considering that. I'm not sure what I am doing on here anymore. Now that my time is being, understandably, taken up by my job and whatever else I can squeeze into my free time, I have to make a lot of changes to what I do on a daily basis. I spend less time checking email and other fun websites, I don't even shop that much anymore. I honestly don't have the time.

And now, here comes the big question: should the blog be the next cut? It takes less than a couple of hours a week to write a few entries, schedule them, and be done. But what is it all for? I know I have a scant audience (though, whatever audience I have, I do appreciate you all very much). But is my heart still into it? The answer: honestly, I am not so sure. It's hard for me to gauge right now.

I feel like I'm not putting out any interesting content, more repeating myself about not writing things and wasting time doing things I don't need to be doing. That can get boring after a while. So, I have to give all this a long think. Do I want to continue Musings of a Frustrated Lady Writer? And if I do, should I specialize my content? And if I don't want to continue the blog, do I leave it up as an artifact or delete it? Should I continue business as usual and write whatever I damn well please since this blog is really for me at the end of the day?

And also, let's be real here: if I decide to keep the blog, it's time to call it for the end-of-the-year lists. I may not make one up for 2014 since it's already near the end of February and releasing something now seems pointless. I honestly never enjoyed doing these because I'm not that good at keeping up with current releases and because I am saving up for something REALLY BIG later this year, sadly my book and music purchases have to take the back seat.

And I do mean it: no more end-of-the-year lists regardless of what decision I make. If I find an awesome current release, I'll share it as soon as I experience it.

This is the beauty of writing, my friends: you write what's in your heart and mind. Once you do that, you look it all over and the answer becomes clear.

...

Yeah, I think this blog ain't ready to be retired.